Transparency is a MUST in Marriage

Transparency in a marriage is an absolute must.  Failure to be transparent can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and a breakdown of the trust upon which a marriage has been built. Be transparent in everything -  what may seem insignificant and hardly worth mentioning to one person has the potential to avalanche out of control when the other person inevitably finds out.
  
Living transparently avoids the avalanche.  Be honest, open, exclusive and true.  Have faith that your partner will listen, understand and act with compassion when you share something that could be upsetting.  When you hear something upsetting - listen with an open heart, be understanding, show grace.  

Remember:  
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

From: http://fiercemarriage.com/slivers-secrets-shame-transparency-marriage-absolute-must
The Two Roles of Transparent Love and Where to Start

To fight fiercely for transparency in your marriage, you have two responsibilities:

1. You must be transparent
   If you’re hiding something you probably know exactly what it is. Be brave, think of how and when to bring it up, and pray about what to say. Then ask God to flood your words and conversation with His brand of love. It may hurt momentarily, but healing will quickly begin.
2. You must love relentlesslyIf your spouse is being transparent with you, sharing their shameful behavior – they’re trusting you with their heart. Ask God for grace to extend to them, and keep God’s love in mind.

READ MORE AT: http://fiercemarriage.com/slivers-secrets-shame-transparency-marriage-absolute-must

Being a Submissive Wife is Hot

Why Being A Submissive Wife Is Hot

By Julie Sibert. Posted on Jun 21st 2010.

 

You can be a submissive wife and have hot sex.

My husband and I have a fairly traditional marriage. I stay home with the kids and he goes out into the world and "slays dragons."  (Well, he works for the local gas and water company, but "slays dragons" sounds more edgy, doesn't it?)  We are your typical chaotic family. On any given day, I'm breaking up sibling squabbles, staring into my pantry to see if the "dinner fairy" has again overlooked me, and trying to tame the calendar. Oh, I also clean up the dog poop. Besides his regular job, my husband juggles his fair share of home responsibilities too--cars, lawns, broken stuff, clogged pipes and precarious "about to fall" tree limbs. In addition to all this, we care for two elderly family members.

My husband and I are Christians and therefore I believe that it is my calling to be a "submissive" wife. So what does submission look like for me? I am submissive in that while my husband and I openly discuss all major decisions that impact our family, I ultimately yield to his decisions. We agree on some things; we disagree on other things. That's marriage, but when it comes down to deciding time, I defer to him. Certainly submission does not mean going against what I believe is right or moral.  For example, if a husband tells his wife she should "steal," then she would be completely justified in not submitting to him.  And submission absolutely does not mean a woman should overlook abuse (either of herself or her children).

But I do seek my husband's advice and opinion and defer to him on many decisions. I believe that he is the head of the house and I respect his leadership role. This isn't hard for me. I am fortunate to have a husband who "loves his wife as Christ loved the church," which is part of a verse from the Bible (Ephesians 5:21-32) that instructs husbands to care for their wives. So, despite what many people think, submission for me is not so hard. The life of a submissive wife is a daily reality for many Christian couples. And I wouldn't exchange roles for anything. In fact, our traditional roles and Christian values have led to a great sex life.

So what does this have to do with sex?

Let me clarify that when I say "submission" in regards to sexual intimacy, I am not talking about a wife automatically doing whatever her husband wants sexually, especially if what he wants flies in the face of what the Bible commands.  For example, if your husband wants to have a threesome or wants you to view pornography, this would be adulterous, which certainly is outside the bounds of God's design for sex. If, on the other hand, your husband simply wants to try a new position or add some variety, I urge you to not instantly say "no" without some legitimate discussion and prayer.

You can be a submissive wife and have hot sex.

The Christian model for a marriage encourages women to be modest, but that doesn't inhibit us from sexual expression with our husbands. In fact, in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, God says that husbands and wives should not withhold their bodies from each other. Sexual intimacy is a mutually-shared endeavor, where both the husband and wife bear responsibility. And let's not forget, orgasms were designed by God. And orgasms feel really, really good.  Odds are that because the clitoris is a bit less predictable than the penis, your husband is going to need your help in understanding what it is going to take to make you climax. This is where sexual confidence can strengthen your marriage. You both need to learn with each other and from each other what arousal looks like for each of you.

Because I submit to my husband, I feel confident in his care and love and this gives me sexual confidence as well. We have a mutual sense of safety and trust that can't help but lead to great sex.  I believe God gives good gifts to married couples to be savored and enjoyed, not ignored and treated carelessly. My husband and I do enjoy a tremendously satisfying sex life, because we have grown in our sexual confidence and because we are secure in our roles for our marriage. 

Another way that submissiveness outside of bed lends itself well in bed is that my husband and I have grown in our vulnerability.  Without a doubt, because I am a submissive wife and my husband "loves me as Christ loved the church," we have really learned to listen to each other with respect. This equips us to be able to say what we like sexually and to really listen to one another.  We have a foundation that allows us to be able to say when we make love, "I like it when you (fill in the blank with random exciting sexual details)."  It's so reassuring to have that kind of vulnerability that leads to great sex!

All too often, people think that a good Christian wife isn't sexually confident; however, following the traditional plan for marriage that God has outlined in the Bible has given me an immense confidence not only in bed, but in my husband's love and care for me. 

http://www.yourtango.com/201073217/word-submission-sabotaging-your-sex-life/page/2

 

A Good Marriage Must Be Created

A letter from Paul Newman to his bride, Joanne Woodward on their wedding day.  Every single person deserves to love and be loved like this.


"Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the art of marriage, the little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say 'I love you' at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have wings of an angel. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding room for the things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner."

 

http://www.relationship-essentials.com/finding-love/paul-newmans-letter-to-his-wife-on-their-wedding-day/

 

 

10 Habits of Happy Couples

What does it take to be happy in a relationship?

Published on November 14, 2009 by Mark Goulston, M.D., F.A.P.A. in Just Listen

What does it take to be happy in a relationship? If you’re working to improve your marriage, here are the 10 habits of happy couples.

1. Go to bed at the same time
Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn’t wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps. And when their skins touch it still causes each of them to tingle and unless one or both are completely exhausted to feel sexually excited.

2. Cultivate common interests
After the passion settles down, it’s common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don’t minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side
Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it’s more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.

4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode
If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.

5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong
If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work
Our skin has a memory of “good touch” (loved), “bad touch” (abused) and “no touch” (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the “good touch,” which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.

7. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning
This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.

8. Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel
This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.

9. Do a “weather” check during the day
Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you’re more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner
Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact — hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.

Happy couples have different habits than unhappy couples. A habit is a discrete behavior that you do automatically and that takes little effort to maintain. It takes 21 days of daily repetition of a new a behavior to become a habit. So select one of the behaviors in the list above to do for 21 days and voila, it will become a habit…and make you happier as a couple. And if you fall off the wagon, don’t despair, just apologize to your partner, ask their forgiveness and recommit yourself to getting back in the habit.

If there was one key to happiness in love and life and possibly even success it would be to go into each conversation you have with this commandment to yourself front and foremost in your mind, "Just Listen."


 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/just-listen/200911/10-habits-happy-couples

Kind of Naughty....

I can't really vouch for the entire article, but I definitely agree with taking "No" out of one's vocabulary...  On both sides.  Don't say "No" to your husband.  Don't say "No" to your wife.  If they desire something that is completely outside your comfort zone, consider it, try it or maybe offer a similar alternative you find more appealing. 

Sure, you could have a bunch of different people fulfill all your needs - it's possible.  But having every single need, every desire and every wish fulfilled by the one person you've committed your life to is infinitely better.

Love your spouse.  Make them happy, making them happy will make you happy, too!!! 

 

 

A Whore in the Bedroom

September 9, 2010 by Maggie McNeill

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. - Robert A. Heinlein

Today’s column is for the ladies. Gentlemen are certainly welcome to read, comment and share the column with the women in your lives (if you dare), but my comments will all be directed toward the ladies and will therefore assume female gender. I’ve been thinking about doing this one for a while, but a few factors (including some emails I’ve received and day-before-yesterday’s column) have at last inspired me to sit down and actually write it. If any of my female readers have specific technique questions which I can’t cover herein without being graphic (sorry, guys), I’ll be happy to answer them privately via confidential email.

One night at UNO I was sitting around talking with several other girls, and when one said something about putting out for her boyfriend another replied haughtily, “I would never give a man sex unless I wanted it, too.”

Even back in those pre-professional days I considered that sort of attitude completely asinine, so I asked her, “Do you have a dog?” (knowing full well she did).

“What?” she asked, annoyed at my apparent change of subject.

“It’s a straightforward question,” I replied; “Do you, or do you not, have a dog?”

“You know I do!” she snapped.

“And you walk it every night?”

“Of course!”

“What if you don’t want to?”

“I still have to anyway, or she’ll go on the carpet during the night!”

“What if it’s raining?”

“Then my dad takes her for me!” The dumb bunny had no idea where I was going, but the smiles told me the other girls did.

“In other words, you care more about a dog than you do about a man.”

“How do you get that?”

“When one has a living creature under one’s care, it is one’s responsibility to take care of that creature’s needs, or else to arrange for someone else to do so. And if you shirk that responsibility, you only have yourself to blame for the inevitable and foreseeable consequences.”

Unfortunately, this girl’s attitude is not at all unusual nowadays; women used to understand that men had sexual needs which it was a wife’s responsibility to provide for. But as I discussed in my column of July 21^st, decades of lies and neofeminist propaganda that men and women are the same and that women should only accept sex when they desire it (and for no other reason) have done tremendous damage to the male-female dynamic; ignorant modern women not only feel that husbands should be satisfied with whatever sexual pickings their wives choose to dole out, however meager or restricted, but also refuse to understand that a starving man will seek food elsewhere if it isn’t available at home. Every escort hears it over and over again: “My wife doesn’t give me sex any more,” or “after the kids my wife lost interest,” or some other variation on it. These men have no reason to lie; they want us to understand that they are driven by need, and the sadness in their voices is unmistakable. The statement that “no woman should have to have sex if she doesn’t want it” ignores the simple fact that in today’s world a woman does not need to marry for support any longer, just as my silly schoolmate did not need to own a dog.

Getting married is a free choice, and carries responsibilities with the privileges. If you refuse to take care of your dog you should give him to somebody who will, and if you refuse to give sex to your husband you should either divorce him or suggest he satisfy his needs elsewhere with your blessing. You cannot have your cake and eat it, too; a man is NOT a woman, and if you expect him to respect your choice not to have sex with him, you in turn must respect his choice to get it from somebody else.

Women who actually starve their husbands are in the minority, though; the more typical wife merely offers such repetitive and unpalatable fare that her husband simply loses his appetite for her cooking and yearns to dine elsewhere. One of my correspondents recently wrote, “I know so many women who say their men are apt to fall asleep in front of the TV or play on the computer all evening; sex seems to be not very high on their list of priorities.”

I replied, “Not to be mean, but what isn’t ‘high on their list of priorities’ is boring, repetitive sex with their dumpy, frowsy wives who sit around in sweatsuits with short hair and only want sex when they’re interested in the way they want it, and everything else is greeted with ‘That’s disgusting!’ or ‘You’re a pervert!’ or ‘I’m not gonna do that!’ Those same men are plenty interested in young-looking, well-kept escorts who have maintained their figures, dress in a feminine manner and will give them the kind of sex they want when they want it.”

When you’re done jumping up and down, screaming at me and calling me a bitch, sit down and listen to what I’m trying to tell you. I understand that some women’s figures go south after having kids and that it’s difficult to reclaim them, but I’ll bet most husbands understand it as well; that’s not what I’m talking about. I’ll use my own family as an example; I am the eldest of four sisters who all look much alike and started out with similar figures, though our personalities are all different. All three of my sisters had two children each; the third sister is most like me in personality and still looks hot at 41, the youngest is athletic and has a very trim figure at 40, and the second is fat and dumpy. The two younger sisters and I dress attractively and wear our hair in flattering styles; the second wears sweatsuits and “fat clothes” and chopped her hair off boy-short while she was pregnant with her first baby. Finally, the two younger sisters and I treat our husbands well, while the second won’t lift a finger for hers; though I’m not privy to the details of my sisters’ sex lives, does anyone here have any doubt whose husband is most likely to cheat? There are no great biological differences between us; it was the psychological differences which caused the one sister to stop trying, and her appearance mirrors her behavior. Every aspect of her dress and grooming screams “I don’t care whether you find me attractive or not!” to her husband and everyone else with eyes to see.

Just being overweight is not the problem, though many women love to use it as an excuse. Lots of men like plump women, and I daresay the average man whose wife has put on too much weight would still be happy with her sexually if she made every other effort to attract him. Don’t believe me? Turn off the goddamned TV, put down Cosmo and surf the escort sites on the internet for a while; you’ll find quite a few “BBW” (Big Beautiful Woman) escorts, women who are definitely fat but still make the effort to look nice and give men what they need sexually. Yes, a good figure goes a long way (and for most women is very sustainable with sensible eating and regular exercise), but dress, grooming and attitude go much farther, especially for a woman who has the advantage of already being married to the man she’s trying to attract!

 If you want to keep your husband sexually happy the best advice I can give you is, get the word “no” out of your vocabulary! Any woman over the age of 16 should have noticed that all men are, to put it bluntly, perverts by female standards; as the picture at right reminds us, everything turns men on! Yes, a lot of what they like is weird or gross or nasty or even funny to most women; so what? Do you personally have to judge dog food palatable before you give it to your dog? As long as what your husband wants in bed doesn’t actually hurt you or give you serious doubts about his masculinity, what difference does it make? You’ve had his semen inside you hundreds of times, so why does it matter if he wants to put it on your butt, tits, stomach, face or hair sometimes? And trust me, I know better than you how it tastes; if you’re having sex for the flavor, you’re doing it for the wrong reason. He wants to tie you up? Let him! Great Aphrodite, you trust him with your life every day, so why is this different? Are you afraid you’ll like it? And why is it too much trouble to wear stockings and a garter belt for him? We all wore them every day until pantyhose were invented! You liked playing dress-up when you were seven; reclaim the fun and pretend to be a nurse or hooker or whatever it is he wants. You might enjoy it!

Even if you’re afraid of something he wants (such as anal sex), would it kill you to at least consider it? Don’t refuse him out of hand; think about it. Ask questions and do research on the internet. Work up to it by slow stages, and ask him to be patient with you; if all else fails, see if you can work out some kind of compromise. So his fantasy is to have both you and your sister? I don’t blame you for refusing to do that, but how about compromising by hiring an escort to be the other woman? Don’t worry, she’s not after your husband! She’s just there to do her job, which in this case is to allow the two of you to explore a fantasy which would otherwise be impossible.

Even if you already do all this stuff, your husband may still hire prostitutes; the male animal craves variety, and some are unwilling or unable to put that craving aside. Trust me, sister, this is not something to worry about unless you can’t afford it or it becomes an obsession (too much of anything is bad). He’s not going to leave you for a whore, and she’s a lot safer than an affair (as I discussed in my column of August 2^nd). So if you do find out your husband has been occasionally indulging in the hobby, do yourself a favor and consider all of your options before having a hissy-fit and doing something you may later regret.

If all of this seems too difficult, you can certainly just keep on the course you’ve set, but if your relationship hits the rocks solely because you couldn’t be bothered to tend the wheel there is nobody to blame but yourself. In the final analysis you married your husband for a reason, most likely nowadays because you loved him. If you don’t love him any more, why are you still with him? And if you do still love him, isn’t making him happy worth a bit of effort?

 

http://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/2010/09/09/a-whore-in-the-bedroom/

 

Are You a 'We' Couple Or a 'Me' Couple?

http://magazine.foxnews.com/love/are-you-we-couple-or-me-couple#ixzz2IT2fl5JH

 

 

 

My father-in-law spent over thirty five years as a circuit court judge. He noticed that some clients paid teams of lawyers only to be poorly represented. He noted in these cases that, "the lawyers are so busy arguing with each other that nobody's arguing the case."

There was an absence of cohesiveness and the ego driven fighting rendered the team ineffective.

I've noticed a similar dynamic in relationships, one I call the "me" couple vs. the "we" couple. The "me" couple operates as two distinct people who happen to be in a relationship. This can be true of a couple who got together last week or one who's been together for fifty years. It's the attitude. The "me" couple are not really partners. They may love each other; they may be happy enough, but they don't operate as effectively in love or work as the "we" couple.

The "we" couples are unquestionably a team. You see it in their body language and especially in their speech. And when they have successes or problems they view it as something happening to both of them.

A University of California study showed that couples who use pronouns like "we," "our" and "us" showed less stress and were more positive toward each other. Those found to be less satisfied in their marriages used pronouns like "me," "I" and "you." Happy couples often speak in a "we." As in, "we had a nice time at the party" and "we had a major plumbing problem at the house last week."

The idea is that unconsciously they've formed a sense of being a part of a team and life is happening to both of them. These couples will fight, they may even not fight nicely. They have no fewer problems than anyone else but the way they cope is better. Rather than waste energy blaming each other they see a problem as something they both need to solve. So they divide tasks, brainstorm, resolve and move forward. Life is better when the blame is minimized and the challenge (whatever it may be) is addressed by both people.

The "we" couples take themselves less seriously. They don't imagine they can be perfect and are unsurprised when things don't go swimmingly. Rather than a "here we go again, the universe hates me," when the car is stolen, a "we" couple will quickly bemoan the fact that this happened to "us" and move on. Of course cars get stolen, it happens every day. He files the police report, she arranges a rental. They get to work on time and the flow of life continues.

"Me" couples blame each other (I told you we shouldn't have parked here. Why did you open an account in a bank here? It's a crummy neighborhood). They storm off, they don't resolve the issue quickly, they don't get to work and they have more problems as the newest spiral downward commences.

Becoming a "we" couple can be as simple as starting to use the word more. Think of things that brought you together and keep you together. Is it being parents, charitable work, common hobbies, a love for sports or the environment? These things may be simple or profound. The next time you're together, talk about the "we" things in conversation. Reminisce about them. When problems come up, resist the urge to blame, take a deep breath and try to move immediately to problem solving. This movement and restraint is the work of change. It's worthwhile to make the effort.

 

Also, be kind to each other and think of your significant other as a partner. Ask for their opinion and their input so that decisions begin to be made together in an atmosphere that doesn't blame and judge. Judgment causes the team to argue and worse, the partners even stop suggesting ideas for fear that anything they say can and will be used against them. Build an atmosphere of cooperation by understanding each other and inviting your partner's thoughts.

Finally, avoid "me" couples for a while. Be aware that other people's expressions and attitudes can influence even the best relationships. For a while, insulate yourselves while you're building up your "we" approach. It's a quick turn around and a minimum of effort to put in for very worthwhile benefits.

 

M. Gary Neuman is a New York Times best-selling author, rabbi, and creator of Neuman Method Programs. He was on the Oprah show 11 times as well as having made multiple appearances on Today, Dateline, the View, NPR and others. Oprah referred to Gary as "One of the best psychotherapists in the world."

To receive discounts on Gary's Creating Your Best Marriage 11 DVD set program, go to NeumanMethod.com and use coupon code Foxnews.

 

Read more: http://magazine.foxnews.com/love/are-you-we-couple-or-me-couple#ixzz2IT2EKnZs

 

Submitting to your Husband

Submitting to your Husbands

Yep! I am going there!

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands."
~Ephesians 5:22-24

For the longest time this verse made me cringe due to my stubborness, thick-headed ways. This always seemed like a power-trip to me, but God has used this verse to teach me some amazing lessons about me, my husband, and above all HIM!
First of all, I am so glad I only have to submit to my "own husband" and not anyone else's:) Can I get an AMEN?!!
Second, after almost 13 years of marriage I am still learning to submit "in everything." I love my husband and he is a great leader, but Everything is a lot! Can't I just have something? What if he's not leading the way I thought He should? What if I am hearing God and He isn't? What if I could do it better? Aren't these the questions we, realistically ask ourselves in the heat of the moment?
I had one of these moments just a couple of weeks ago. We have been living in our duplex since August and life in the duplex is cozy with the 5 of us. I just knew whenever we sold our house we would finally get to move out of the duplex, immediately. Not that I am not grateful for the place to live, I am just ready to stop living out of boxes. Well, we finally sold our house. Yay!!! And I was all ready to go looking for the new Roberts' family home. Chris said he felt that we should not get in any hurry, stay in the duplex, and save up our money for awhile. Well, that went in one ear and out the other for me. I had a realtor, pre-approval for a loan, and house visits set up. He would go look at them with me, but he still felt this was not the right time. And so the tension began....There were frustrations, silent dinners, and more frustrations. Until.....God showed me I was not submitting in "everything." So, I went to Chris, humbly, and shared with him what God was showing me and that I submit to where God was leading him in leading our family. The tension, frustration, silence was immediately gone. Our circumstances hadn't changed but my heart had. It wasn't that I didn't trust my husband, it was that I didn't trust God to lead my husband. We think it is about laying our individual selves down to her husbands, but it is actually laying down ourselves to Christ.
If your husband is not leading the way you think he should, I have one piece of advice for you: Shut up and Pray!! We think we can change our husband when we didn't create our husband. If you want a change in the man, you can't go to the man, but to the one who created the man. And I promise if you commit to shut-up and pray you will see a change in him and you. Our calling as a wife, is to submit to the leadership of our husband so that we can come along side him and help him be all that God is calling him to be as a man of God.
And because I have committed to submit to my husband's leadership of this family, I have seen him step-up and seek God more and more. One of my favorite parts of my day, is when I walk into the living room or kitchen in the morning to catch my leader in his quiet time with His leader.
Will I give my opinions? Absolutely. Will I share my mind? Sure thing. Will I like everything? Probably not. But ultimately I trust my God with everything including my husband's decisions for our family. So, here is to the crazy journey of wife submission......and ultimately to God's plans for the Roberts' family!

How a Husband Should Handle his Wife's Submission

How A Husband Should Handle His Wife’s Submission

Submit is a verb. Submitting is a voluntary action. That means it is something we ourselves do. It’s not something we make someone else do. Just as we can’t force another person to love us, we can’t force someone to submit to us either. Of course we can make that person do what we want. But then that’s not true submission.

Submission is a choice we make. It’s something each one of us must decide to do. And this decision happens first in the heart. If we don’t decide in our hearts that we are going to willingly submit to whomever it is we need to be submitted to, then we are not truly submitting.

This may be shocking news to you, but an overwhelming majority of wives in my survey said they want to submit to their husbands. They want their husbands to be the head of the home, and they have no desire to usurp that God-given position of leadership. They know what the Bible says on the subject, and discerning wives want to do what God wants because they understand that God’s ways work best.

However, problems often arise in this area because a wife is afraid to submit to her husband for two reasons:

Reason #1: Her husband thinks submission is only a noun, and he uses it as a weapon.
Reason #2: Her husband has himself not made the choice in his heart to be fully submitted to God.

Okay, okay! I know that God did not say a wife needs to submit to her husband only if he proves to be worthy. Submission is a matter of trusting in God more than trusting in man. But a wife will more easily make the choice to submit to her husband if she knows that he has made the choice to submit to the Lord. It will be a sign to her that it is safe to submit to him. And the goal here is to help her, not force her, into proper alignment.

Many a wife has a hard time trusting that her husband is hearing from God if he doesn’t appear to be submitted to God in the way he treats her. Wives know that after the verse “Wives, submit to your own husbands” (Ephesians 5:22), the Bible says “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (verse 25). Christ doesn’t neglect, ignore, demean or abuse the church. He doesn’t treat her rudely or disrespectfully. He never acts arrogantly or insensitively toward her. Nor does He criticize her and make her feel she is not valuable. Rather He loves her, protects her, provides for her, and cares for her. So while God gives the husband a position of leadership in relationship to his wife, He also requires the price of self-sacrifice from him.

When Wives Hold Back
The big question in many women’s minds is, “If I submit myself to my husband, will I become a doormat for him to walk on?” The answer to that question depends entirely upon whether her husband believes he should love his wife like Christ loves the church and willingly sacrifices himself for her —or thinks that submission is a noun and that it is something owed him. In other words, does he only consider his desires and opinions, to the exclusion of hers?

A wife has a hard time giving her husband the reins to her life if she doesn’t believe she can trust him to have her best interests at heart as he steers the course of their lives together. She has trouble going along with his decisions when he refuses to consider her thoughts, feelings, and insights on the subject. And if she has submitted to a male in the past and her trust was violated in some way, it is even more difficult for her to trust now.

On the other hand, a woman will do anything for a man who loves her like Christ loves the church. Submission is easy under these conditions. I know a number of women who are married to unbelieving husbands and who have no problem submitting to their husbands, because in each case the husband loves his wife like Christ loves the church, even though he doesn’t know Christ.

Too often people confuse “submit” with “obey.” But they are not the same thing. The Bible gives commands about obeying other people only in regard to children and slaves, and in the context of the local church. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). “Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh” (Ephesians 6:5). “Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account” (Hebrews 13:17). Since a wife is neither her husband’s child nor his servant, and the local church isn’t part of a marriage, the word “obey” has no application to the relationship between a husband and a wife.

Submission means “to submit yourself.” In light of that, when a husband demands submission from his wife, it is no longer true submission. And his demands can become intimidating and oppressive, which breeds resentment. When a husband is more interested in his wife’s submission to him than he is in his own submission to God, then submission becomes a tool to hurt and destroy.

I have seen too many marriages between strong Christian people —high-profile Christian leaders, in fact —end in divorce because the husband demanded submission and resorted to verbal or physical abuse in order to get it. My husband has even counseled men like that, men who refused to hear that losing their family was a horrible price to pay for being “right.” How much better it would have been for the husband to submit himself to God’s hand and then pray for his wife to be able to come into proper order. This kind of situation occurs far too often.

When we submit to God, He doesn’t suppress who we are. He frees us to become who we’re made to be, within the boundaries of His protection. When a wife submits to her husband, she comes under his covering and protection, and this frees her to become all God created her to be. Trust me, you want that for your wife. Her greatest gifts will prove to be your greatest blessing.

If you feel that your wife is not submissive, pray for her to have a submissive heart, first toward God and then toward you. Then ask God to help you love her the way He does. I guarantee that you will see her submission level rise in direct proportion to the unselfish love you exhibit for her. And let her see that you are seeking God for guidance. If she knows that you are asking God to show you the way, she will follow you anywhere.

Please pray for your wife that:

1. She will understand what submission really is.
2. She will be able to submit in the way God wants her to.
3. You will be completely submitted to God.
4. She will trust God as He works in you.
5. You will take your position as spiritual leader.
6. She will trust you to be the head of the family.
7. Submission will not be a point of contention in your marriage.

PRAYER POWER: Lord, I submit myself to You this day. Lead me as I lead my family. Help me to make all decisions based on Your revelation and guidance. As I submit my leadership to You, enable (wife’s name) to fully trust that You are leading me. Help her to understand the kind of submission You want from her. Help me to understand the kind of submission You want from me. Enable me to be the leader You want me to be.

Where there are issues over which we disagree, help us to settle them in proper order. I pray that I will allow You, Lord, to be so in control of my life that my wife will be able to freely trust Your Holy Spirit working in me. Help me to love her the way You love me, so that I will gain her complete respect and love. Give her a submissive heart and the faith she needs to trust me to be the spiritual leader in our home. At the same time, help us to submit “to one another in the fear of God” (Ephesians 5:21). I know that only You, Lord, can make that perfect balance happen in our lives.

The above article comes from the book, The Power of a Praying® Husband , written by Stormie Omartian, published by Harvest House. This book has 20 short, easy-to-read chapters which share how you can intercede for your wife in areas where she longs for your prayers. There is also advice, personal stories from well-known Christian men, and words from Scripture that will also help you in praying for your wife.

 

http://www.marriagemissions.com/how-a-husband-should-handle-his-wifes-submission/