Transparency is a MUST in Marriage

Transparency in a marriage is an absolute must.  Failure to be transparent can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and a breakdown of the trust upon which a marriage has been built. Be transparent in everything -  what may seem insignificant and hardly worth mentioning to one person has the potential to avalanche out of control when the other person inevitably finds out.
  
Living transparently avoids the avalanche.  Be honest, open, exclusive and true.  Have faith that your partner will listen, understand and act with compassion when you share something that could be upsetting.  When you hear something upsetting - listen with an open heart, be understanding, show grace.  

Remember:  
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

From: http://fiercemarriage.com/slivers-secrets-shame-transparency-marriage-absolute-must
The Two Roles of Transparent Love and Where to Start

To fight fiercely for transparency in your marriage, you have two responsibilities:

1. You must be transparent
   If you’re hiding something you probably know exactly what it is. Be brave, think of how and when to bring it up, and pray about what to say. Then ask God to flood your words and conversation with His brand of love. It may hurt momentarily, but healing will quickly begin.
2. You must love relentlesslyIf your spouse is being transparent with you, sharing their shameful behavior – they’re trusting you with their heart. Ask God for grace to extend to them, and keep God’s love in mind.

READ MORE AT: http://fiercemarriage.com/slivers-secrets-shame-transparency-marriage-absolute-must

Helpful Hints

How to Respect Your Husband: 7 Helpful Hints

And let the wife see that she respects her husband.  That’s what Paul wrote in the second half of Ephesians 5:33. Respect is something that I believe has diminished throughout the years. So many marriages begin well and end poorly because men and women are not properly trained in how to treat one another. God has specific roles for the husband and the wife and when we stay within those roles we have happy marriages and good family lives.  Respect is something that should be mutual between all members of the family, but for this article I want to give some helpful hints for wives on how to respect their husbands. (For a related article read “How to Love Your Wife: 7 Helpful Tips”)

Respect His Leadership 

“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

God gave you your husband as the leader in your home.  This means that he is not only the Spiritual leader; he is the one who make decisions.  Women are ill-equipped to make large decisions; we are far too emotional for that big responsibility. Your part in the decision process could be to help him be the leader by providing him with information that will aid in decision-making. And remember that just because you provided information, this does not mean that your husband will consider that information.  He chooses what to use in the decision process; a wise husband will ask for his wife’s advice.  When he chooses not to consider your information and/or advice let him take responsibility for the decision, be it good or bad.  Never, ever say “I told you so” or words to that effect when a decision has gone bad.  When he makes good decisions thank him for taking that burden. Remember to avoid getting leadership and advice from other males in your life such as your pastor, friend or even your brother. Take a look at what the Bible says about your husband’s role as leader and head of the wife:

1 Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. 

Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Respect His Provision 

This is a Biblical principle that has been overlooked in our modern world.  In the day of the two-income family, we have come to depend upon the wife’s income to provide for the needs of the family. This ought not to be. Don’t misunderstand; I realize that sometimes it is necessary for a woman to work outside of the home, in the case where the husband is physically unable.  However, when your husband is able to provide for the family – let him do it! Here is the Biblical standard on the husband as the provider: 

Genesis 3:17-20 And to Adam he said, ”Because you have listened to the voice of your wife  and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ’You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you;  in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”

1 Timothy 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Respect His Maleness 

Accept the fact that God made you the weaker vessel. This is one of those things that have taken me many years to do.  I am a strong willed woman and many times I have tried to do things that I needed not to do. I now am thankful that my husband carries the heavy packages and opens the doors for me. He is being what God has made him to be, my protector – not only for safely sake but for my own health and well-being. You were created for him, as his helper. Let your husband be the strong one and when he is, praise him for it and thank God for him. Let him open that pickle jar; even if you loosened it for him. Here are some Bible verses for this hint:

Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

1 Corinthians 11:9 Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.

1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Respect as an Attitude

There are times when the husband is not respectful to the wife. This does not give you license to be disrespectful. You cannot control his actions, but you can control your reactions. You see, respect is not only seen in your actions (as a verb) but it is also seen in your attitude (as a noun). When you show an attitude of respect toward your husband he will think twice about the way that he is treating you. Love him, even when he is unlovely. Serve him, even when he seems not to appreciate your service. Listen to him, even when you may not understand what he is talking about. Be attentive to his physical needs, even when you are tired.  God will bless you and your marriage when you remember to have a respectful attitude.  Bible guidelines for this are:

Romans 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Philippians 2:3-4 (KJV) Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

Philippians 4:13 (KJV) I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. 

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives

Respect His Reputation 

Don’t air your dirty laundry. When you are in the company of others you should never be saying things that tear your husband down. Instead you should be saying only good about him. Brag on him! Be faithful to him in thought, word and deed. This includes what you say and do in front of the children. Teach them to respect their Daddy, he is their protector too and they should see him as a hero. The Bible is loaded with this concept, here are a few verses:

Proverbs 12:7 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 31:11-12 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. 

Romans 14:19 Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. 

Respect His Home 

Make your house a home, no matter what the living circumstance. Make it comfortable and clean. Make the bed. Clean up the dirty dishes. Keep up with the laundry. Your husband works hard and he deserves a cozy home after a hard day. Get up before your husband and the children – set the tone for the day.  When you have things in order your day will run smoother for your entire household. Teach the children to clean up after themselves and how to do daily and weekly chores. All this should be done without grumbling or complaining.

Proverbs 14:1 The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.

Proverbs 31:15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. 

Proverbs 31:27 she looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Philippians 2:14 Do all things without grumbling or questioning 

Titus 2:4-5 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Respect Yourself; Work on Being The Best Wife 

Being a wife doesn’t just happen. I am thankful that many years ago I had a group of very godly wives praying for me when I was a career-bound wife and mom. I believe to this day that they “prayed” me home! They were not perfect women, nor am I. The thing that I want to encourage you in is that there are other women out there that have been where you are. They are the women who successfully manage a home and may even have a bushel of children that they are raising as well. Learn from them. Ask them how they do it. See if there is a lady’s Bible study group in your church that you can join. Get some Christian girlfriends if you haven’t already done that.  Above all, get daily in the Word.  Pull your resources together so that you are able to have an organized time with the Lord each day. Personal Spiritual growth is essential for your relationship with God and ultimately with your husband. Redeem the time, spend time doing things that you know will please the Lord.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Ephesians 5:15-16 (KJV) See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

Colossians 4:5 (KJV) Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time.

2 Timothy 2:15 (KJV) Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

Titus 2:3-5 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

From: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/how-to-respect-your-husband-7-helpful-hints/

Don't make these mistakes!

Three Common Mistakes Women Make In The Bedroom

By GalTime.com

Who doesn't need to spice up their bedroom routine every once in a while? You love your partner and assume he'll initiate sex, so it's all good, right? Not so fast! Did you ever think about what your role is...what you could be doing to turn up the heat? We did, so we asked renowned sex expert and family therapist Dr. Jane Greer. She says women commonly make three mistakes in the bedroom:

Mistake #1: Comfy Clothes
I know, ladies, that you want to be in those comfortable nightgowns, those comfortable jammies that you wear. But, honestly, the quickest turn-off to your partner or spouse is your comfy clothes. So, if you want to spice things up in your love life, shed those comfy clothes and find a nice, hot bra or a nice nighty, something you can be slinky, sexy and comfortable in that will be a turn-on to your partner.

Mistake #2: Not Taking the Lead
Don't wait to get asked to dance, meaning you've got to take the lead. You don't have to wait for your partner to ask you to have sex or make love with them. Get involved, get into bed, take the lead and get your partner into bed with you. You'll both have a lot of fun and enjoy yourselves.

Mistake #3: Criticism
It's to be avoided at all costs. Nothing will turn off your partner faster than you telling him what you don't like and what you don't want taking place. On the other hand, what will be a complete arousal and turn-on is letting him know what he can do to please you and what will excite you if he does it.

So, tell him what you like, wear those sexy clothes and, most importantly of all, take the lead so that you can have the fun you're looking for!

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/25/sex-advice_n_3951219.html?utm_hp_ref=tw

Misconceptions about Submission

From what I have observed, many women today refuse to even consider any type of submission in their lives - especially within the sphere of their marriage.  Women find the concept of submission offensive and complain about their husbands constantly. They are always right and their husbands are always wrong.  They aren't happy, they do not respect their husbands and they wonder why their husbands would rather spend time at work or with friends than with them. 

When my friends complain the first thing I tell them is "Don't tell me this!!  You can't untell this!"  I am a firm believer that the only appropriate public communication about your marriage is positive communication.  I believe it is wholly unacceptable and inappropriate to complain about your husband to anyone else.  ONLY praise in public, ONLY complain in private.  If you're upset with your husband, talk about it with him! 

When they continue to complain, I suggest that they just do what their husband says.  If the wife wants to go to the bank and the husband wants them to call...  Just call!  Is it really worth the fight? (Answer: No.  No, it is not worth the fight.) 

Praise your husband, thank him for caring enough to offer another solution.  You don't always have to be right.

We (I) still struggle at times, but I am trying SO HARD to submit to my husband in everything.  It is generally very easy to submit to him because I adore him.  I love him more than everything in the world.  I respect him as a man and as the head of our household and I know that he expresses his ideas and wishes because he wants to make my life happier and easier.  He knows what is good for me and he knows what is good for us.  I know in my soul he would never have me do anything dangerous or embarrassing.  I trust him to do what is best for me and for us.  At times it can be difficult to get over my stubbornness and remember my husband is my partner and my leader and he really, truly knows what is best.  I pray every day that God will help me to submit because when I do, everything is beautiful.  The rare times I don't, there is tumult and in the end either a) he was right all along  - or - b) it wasn't worth the argument. 

I love my husband, I trust him completely, I have faith in his leadership.  God, please help me to remember this and submit joyfully when I get stubborn and want to do things my own way.

7 Misconceptions about Submission

Mary Kassian | November 15, 2011

Submission.  OOoo . . . that dread “S” word!

This morning I had an interesting conversation with Rachel Held Evans, who is writing a book on “A Year of Biblical Womanhood.” Though Rachel and I would likely disagree on several points regarding the Bible’s teaching on womanhood, I deeply appreciate the opportunity for us to dialogue and engage on the topic. Rachel asked me to answer three questions about submission:

• What are some common misconceptions about what it means to be a “submissive wife.”
• Why might some (think secular audience) be surprised to learn that you submit to your husband. In other words, how do you yourself defy the stereotype?
• How long have you been married, and how has submission worked out practically in your marriage? (In other words, what does it look like when you submit to your husband?)

Those are excellent questions!  Here’s how I answered her first question, “What are some common misconceptions about what it means to be a “submissive wife?”

Seven Misconceptions about Submission:

Misconception #1: Submission is universal—the directive can be applied correctly by all, even those outside of the faith community.

Christian submission is defined by the relationship between God the Father and Son. It cannot be properly understood apart from that mooring. Hence, I believe it is unwise for us to uphold the instruction for wives to submit themselves to their husbands as an achievable standard for those outside the faith community. People without the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit have neither the discernment nor the power to live out submission and authority in a godly manner.

Misconception #2: Submission is gender-exclusive—it’s just for women.

Men have a responsibility to submit too—it’s not just something that’s required of women. EVERY Christian, female or male, has the responsibility to submit to the Lord, and also to the authorities the Lord has placed in his or her life. What’s more, the biblical concepts of submission and authority cannot be disassociated. The two are indivisibly connected. A biblical definition of submission cannot be understood apart from a biblical definition of authority.

Misconception #3: Submission is generic—every woman submits to every man.

The Bible instructs a wife to submit herself to her own husband; not to men in general.

Misconception #4: Submission is a right—a husband has the right to demand his wife’s submission.

A husband does not have the right to demand or extract submission from his wife. Submission is HER choice—her responsibility… it is NOT his right!! Not ever. She is to “submit herself”— deciding when and how to submit is her call. In a Christian marriage, the focus is never on rights, but on personal responsibility. It’s his responsibility to be affectionate. It’s her responsibility to be agreeable. The husband’s responsibility is to sacrificially love as Christ loved the Church—not to make his wife submit.

Misconception #5: Submission is indiscriminate—it means mindless acquiescence.

A Christian’s first responsibility is to submit to the Lord and His standard of righteousness. A wife is not called to submit to sin, mistreatment, or abuse. The Lord does not want “weak-willed” women—women who lack the discernment and strength to respond to the right things and in the right way. Godly women do not submit to sin. They carefully and intentionally weigh and discern how to submit to sinful human authority in light of their primary responsibility to submit to the ways of the Lord. No brain-dead doormats or spineless bowls of Jello here! Submission is neither mindless nor formulaic nor simplistic. Submitting to the Lord sometimes involves drawing clear boundaries and enacting consequences when a husband sins. Submission is an attitude of the heart. A woman can have a submissive spirit even when saying “no” and refusing to go along with sin.

Misconception #6: Submission precludes mutuality—it creates lopsided, one-way relationships.

Submission and authority function hand-in-hand with all the other biblical directives about how Christians ought to interact with one another. Along with submitting to her husband, a Christian wife also has the responsibility to be transparent, speak truth, confront sin, and challenge her husband to ever increasing levels of holiness. As heirs together of the grace of life, both husband and wife have the responsibility to love, encourage, and build one another up; and to interact with forbearance, kindness and humility. Biblical authority and submission contribute to mutuality, and do not diminish or detract from it. (It’s “both-and” not “either-or.”)

Misconception #7: Submission promotes abuse—it encourages husbands to be domineering, self-centered boors.

When properly understood and enacted, the framework of hierarchical relationships within the Christian community serves a protective function, because every authority is accountable to a higher authority. This community structure encourages husbands to fulfill their responsibility to love as Christ loves, and holds them to account when they don’t. It fosters Christlikeness and prevents abuse. A wife whose husband is abusive can appeal to higher authorities for intervention and protection. It is the responsibility of the authorities to protect and seek the good of all those under their care.

Defying the Stereotype

Rachel’s second question was “Why might some (think secular audience) be surprised to learn that you submit to your husband. In other words, how do you yourself defy the stereotype?

My answer:

My husband takes his responsibility to love me as Christ loves the Church seriously. I take my responsibility to submit to him seriously. That means that I am cherished and have a voice. That means that he is respected and supported. I work with him, and pull in the same direction. Some might be surprised that I believe in submission because my marriage displays a unity, intimacy, and mutuality that is deep, profound and enviable. I am flourishing. I have what most women want. And it is a great paradox how it is has been achieved. The way of faith is the way of paradox: lose your life to live it, give to receive. It is also a great paradox that honoring God’s pattern for authority and submission in marriage fosters unity and mutuality.

What Does Submission Look Like?

Rachel’s third question was “How long have you been married, and how has submission worked out practically in your marriage? (In other words, what does it look like when you submit to your husband?)

My answer:

I’ve been married for 29 years—“just getting going” says my mom, who’s been married for 62.

“What it looks like” is a difficult question, since submission is not something foreign—not something “other”—to the character of a redeemed woman. Submission is not as much an “action” as it is an “attitude.” So it can’t be dictated by behavioral prescriptives. Submission boils down to a having spirit of amenability. It means being soft, receptive, responsive, and agreeable. Because of the misconceptions surrounding the definition of submission, I actually prefer to use the term “amenability.” Amenability comes from the French amener (to lead). An amenable woman is “leadable” as opposed to “ungovernable” She’s responsive to input and likely to cooperate. Amenability is part of the three-fold womanly disposition of 1 Peter 3:4-5, which includes gentleness, calmness, and amenability—which works itself out in a married woman’s life in submission to her husband.

So “what it looks like” on an on-going basis, is that I am soft, receptive, and agreeable toward my husband. I love responding to his lead. I respect who God created him to be as a man—and support his efforts to provide godly oversight for our family. I respect the position of responsibility that goes along with being a husband and father. “Respect” is probably the best word to describe what submission looks like in my marriage.

For me, submission is one of those things that is far more easily identified by its absence rather than its presence. I know that I am struggling with it when I am critical, impatient, defiant, and “snarky” toward my husband—when I refuse to cooperate and am unresponsive to input, when I rush in and take control, when I fail to “provide space” to allow my husband the opportunity to be a man and provide godly oversight for our family. In other words, it’s not readily apparent to me when I’m submitting, but it’s painfully obvious to me when I am not. I sense that I am disrespecting/ disregarding my husband, taking control, and pulling against him rather than for and with him.

 

From:  http://www.girlsgonewise.com/7-misconceptions-about-submission/

Stepfords

I so wish there was a group like this in my area!  I would love to cultivate friendships with like-minded women.  Many of my girlfriends are more concerned with everything in their marriage being fair & making sure that things are 50 - 50.  Unfortunately 50 - 50 will never work -- a marriage requires both people to give  100%.  My girlfriends are too stubborn to be the first one to give in and just be nice.  If they just stopped worrying about being right all the time and making sure that they are not giving even 0.0001% more than their husbands I really think they would be a lot happier.

Anyways -- such a cool website / cool group of ladies.


http://stepfordwives.org/

Being a Submissive Wife is Hot

Why Being A Submissive Wife Is Hot

By Julie Sibert. Posted on Jun 21st 2010.

 

You can be a submissive wife and have hot sex.

My husband and I have a fairly traditional marriage. I stay home with the kids and he goes out into the world and "slays dragons."  (Well, he works for the local gas and water company, but "slays dragons" sounds more edgy, doesn't it?)  We are your typical chaotic family. On any given day, I'm breaking up sibling squabbles, staring into my pantry to see if the "dinner fairy" has again overlooked me, and trying to tame the calendar. Oh, I also clean up the dog poop. Besides his regular job, my husband juggles his fair share of home responsibilities too--cars, lawns, broken stuff, clogged pipes and precarious "about to fall" tree limbs. In addition to all this, we care for two elderly family members.

My husband and I are Christians and therefore I believe that it is my calling to be a "submissive" wife. So what does submission look like for me? I am submissive in that while my husband and I openly discuss all major decisions that impact our family, I ultimately yield to his decisions. We agree on some things; we disagree on other things. That's marriage, but when it comes down to deciding time, I defer to him. Certainly submission does not mean going against what I believe is right or moral.  For example, if a husband tells his wife she should "steal," then she would be completely justified in not submitting to him.  And submission absolutely does not mean a woman should overlook abuse (either of herself or her children).

But I do seek my husband's advice and opinion and defer to him on many decisions. I believe that he is the head of the house and I respect his leadership role. This isn't hard for me. I am fortunate to have a husband who "loves his wife as Christ loved the church," which is part of a verse from the Bible (Ephesians 5:21-32) that instructs husbands to care for their wives. So, despite what many people think, submission for me is not so hard. The life of a submissive wife is a daily reality for many Christian couples. And I wouldn't exchange roles for anything. In fact, our traditional roles and Christian values have led to a great sex life.

So what does this have to do with sex?

Let me clarify that when I say "submission" in regards to sexual intimacy, I am not talking about a wife automatically doing whatever her husband wants sexually, especially if what he wants flies in the face of what the Bible commands.  For example, if your husband wants to have a threesome or wants you to view pornography, this would be adulterous, which certainly is outside the bounds of God's design for sex. If, on the other hand, your husband simply wants to try a new position or add some variety, I urge you to not instantly say "no" without some legitimate discussion and prayer.

You can be a submissive wife and have hot sex.

The Christian model for a marriage encourages women to be modest, but that doesn't inhibit us from sexual expression with our husbands. In fact, in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, God says that husbands and wives should not withhold their bodies from each other. Sexual intimacy is a mutually-shared endeavor, where both the husband and wife bear responsibility. And let's not forget, orgasms were designed by God. And orgasms feel really, really good.  Odds are that because the clitoris is a bit less predictable than the penis, your husband is going to need your help in understanding what it is going to take to make you climax. This is where sexual confidence can strengthen your marriage. You both need to learn with each other and from each other what arousal looks like for each of you.

Because I submit to my husband, I feel confident in his care and love and this gives me sexual confidence as well. We have a mutual sense of safety and trust that can't help but lead to great sex.  I believe God gives good gifts to married couples to be savored and enjoyed, not ignored and treated carelessly. My husband and I do enjoy a tremendously satisfying sex life, because we have grown in our sexual confidence and because we are secure in our roles for our marriage. 

Another way that submissiveness outside of bed lends itself well in bed is that my husband and I have grown in our vulnerability.  Without a doubt, because I am a submissive wife and my husband "loves me as Christ loved the church," we have really learned to listen to each other with respect. This equips us to be able to say what we like sexually and to really listen to one another.  We have a foundation that allows us to be able to say when we make love, "I like it when you (fill in the blank with random exciting sexual details)."  It's so reassuring to have that kind of vulnerability that leads to great sex!

All too often, people think that a good Christian wife isn't sexually confident; however, following the traditional plan for marriage that God has outlined in the Bible has given me an immense confidence not only in bed, but in my husband's love and care for me. 

http://www.yourtango.com/201073217/word-submission-sabotaging-your-sex-life/page/2

 

The “S” Word

The “S” Word

 

The touchy topic of submission has been on my mind since we went to the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember marriage getaway. There was a session where the men and women split up to learn more about what God has called us to in our gender roles. And then a couple days after the conference I received this devotional from Proverbs 31 and a few more things clicked for me. This may not be a popular post. If I say something that offends you, please know that is not my intention and hear my heart.

I grew up during the girl power movement. I loved it. I have always loved being a girl, and also that I grew up in a time period in which I knew that being a girl did not mean I was less valuable than a man. I always wanted to meet and fall in love with a wonderful man, but I planned to wear the pants in the relationship (a recent study shows that most women do!).

For years I’d read in the Bible about the S word, but I had no idea what it meant to submit. Nor did I want to find out. It just rubbed me the wrong way.

But after five years of marriage, studying the Bible and consulting with other Christian women about what it means, I’ve changed my point of view on the matter. And I am choosing to embrace it.

I am not saying women and men shouldn’t have equal legal rights in the workforce–or anywhere else, for that matter. I am not saying that women should not be strong, assertive or ambitious. All I’m saying is that growing up, I thought girl power meant women were smarter and more capable than our male counterparts and that we should probably just take over the world and never depend on a man again.

And now I know that was a scary mentality to have.

I really have a problem with the commercials and sitcoms that make men look like they are stupid, lazy and thoughtless. I think women have enabled men to become that way because of our desire to control (which is a consequence of original sin) and take over. If something needs to be done, most times we’d rather do it ourselves. Especially if it means it won’t get done without us.

I used to make a lot of decisions in our marriage about how we spent our time and our money. I thought my way was the best way. Over time I concluded that Eric didn’t have an opinion on such matters, but I’ve come to realize that he was retreating because I took over. I’m sure I confused him because I’d tell him that I wanted him to be more decisive and confident…and then I’d continue to express my opinions in an overpowering way that said this is how it’s going to be because it’s what I want.

Deep down, I desired for Eric to lead our family. And I didn’t realize that I was the one who was in the way.

A couple thoughts about submission that have provided comfort for me, in case you’re still not sure:

·         Being the man’s helper and completer is a title of worth. God refers to Himself in Psalm 54:4 as our helper. (This is taken from page 89 of the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember binder.)

·         The Love and Respect book says that submission means the man gets 51% and the woman gets 49%. Even that 1% rubbed me the wrong way at first. And then I realized that it means the women and children get to load the life boats first, and the men die. So I guess it doesn’t sound too bad.

>> When I told Eric I was writing this post, he added that, at the same time, the man needs to be doing his job. I agree, but as I stated in my marriage getaway takeaways, I don’t want to wait for anyone else…I need to prepare my heart to be who God has called me to be.

My reality is that Eric is a great man and he deserves my respect. He appreciates my opinions and we make a lot of decisions together. But when we disagree, and he feels strongly about something, I’m listening to him more and am open to his ideas. Because we’re better together.

Putting It Into Practice

Recently Eric and I made a financial decision. We disagreed slightly on the issue. What I decided to do was to tell him my opinion, thoughts and fears, and then I let him make the decision. It took the stress and burden off myself and handed it to him. He is the leader of our family and, honestly, I don’t want it any other way. I don’t want that responsibility. He studies God’s Word every morning and has great integrity. Submission to him does not make me less of a person. I really take comfort in knowing that he takes care of me and would die for me.

If this is something you want to work on, the next time you and your husband disagree, I encourage you to give him your opinion but ultimately let him make the decision. Make sure he knows that you will support him in the decision, and throughout the conversation meet his need to feel respected. It just might radically change your marriage!

http://wordsofwilliams.com/the-s-word/