Thursday, March 31, 2016

Transparency is a MUST in Marriage

Transparency in a marriage is an absolute must.  Failure to be transparent can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and a breakdown of the trust upon which a marriage has been built. Be transparent in everything -  what may seem insignificant and hardly worth mentioning to one person has the potential to avalanche out of control when the other person inevitably finds out.
Living transparently avoids the avalanche.  Be honest, open, exclusive and true.  Have faith that your partner will listen, understand and act with compassion when you share something that could be upsetting.  When you hear something upsetting - listen with an open heart, be understanding, show grace.  

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

The Two Roles of Transparent Love and Where to Start
To fight fiercely for transparency in your marriage, you have two responsibilities:
  1. You must be transparent
    If you’re hiding something you probably know exactly what it is. Be brave, think of how and when to bring it up, and pray about what to say. Then ask God to flood your words and conversation with His brand of love. It may hurt momentarily, but healing will quickly begin.
  2. You must love relentlesslyIf your spouse is being transparent with you, sharing their shameful behavior – they’re trusting you with their heart. Ask God for grace to extend to them, and keep God’s love in mind.

2 or 1?


Are We Two or One?

The Bible tells us that when we leave our parents, and are united with our spouse, we become “one flesh”. (Ephesians 5:31) So we are one, yet there is still clearly two of us in this marriage. How does the one flesh thing work and is it only symbolic?
Obviously Brad and I take these verses to heart and think there is much to say about the marriage relationship in these two words, “one flesh”. One flesh, sounds so romantic, yet a bit scary at the same time. So are we really one or are we two?
I think the honest answer to this is yes and yes!
Are we one? YES!!!
Once you are married, you start the journey of becoming one flesh with your hubby. I remember in the beginning of our marriage, I felt that once we had sex we would enter into the “one flesh” and that would be that. I discovered that getting to that place of true connectedness through sexual intimacy takes time, communication, exploration and understanding. Sexual intimacy is a vital part of the one flesh journey, but it is not the whole picture. Becoming one flesh is the journey to knowing each other completely. Knowing each other in all areas of intimacy. The four areas Brad and I like to stress are: emotional, physical, spiritual and intellectual.
Why are we one?
I believe that God talks specifically about the marriage union becoming one, because he knows us. He knows how we are, what our tendencies are. If we approach our marriage and our hubby thinking that we are two separate people, then we are inclined to think selfishly. If we view ourselves as ONE with our husbands it truly challenges our self-centered nature that wants to rear its ugly head and take over our marriage. You are not two anymore, but one. Every decision you make affects your hubby. One flesh is a mindset and it is wise to start thinking that way. While processing things in your head, stop and put on your one flesh glasses (instead of rose-colored). If we think of being one with our hubby, then we have to make a decision that will work and benefit for the marriage as one, not two. Not benefit you, not benefit him, but benefit you as one.
God knew approaching marriage as two would break down time and again. When two people, with their own selfish desires deal with marriage on a daily basis, there will be discord. I think all of us wives can agree that discord comes very naturally in marriage. Not that we want it to, but it seems very easy to disagree on things, many times it is easier than agreeing. How can you stop this? Take to heart what God says, you and your hubby are one! Stop thinking of daily life through your own self. We need to die to self, so that our marriages can live and thrive. Our marriage needs to be second in life, not our self.
Are We Two Too? YES!
How does that work? Most people who get into this debate, believe you are either one or you are two, but not both. Well I think God intended for us to be one, with two amazing personalities in that oneness. Lets face it, God created all of us with unique traits and they don’t just go away when you merge with your hubby. It is about a journey together to oneness, where our unique traits show, but our selfishness is left behind. There is no room for “I want” in marriage. If we remain focused on what our hubby needs and wants, then we have our focus where it should be. Then in turn if our hubby has his focus on our needs and our wants, he too is focused appropriately. If we are each focused on ourselves, we are opening up to a world of hurt and discord.
I am not suggesting that you lose yourself, your personality, or that you become your husband’s cook and maid. I am encouraging you, with your unique personality to discover the oneness God wants to create in your marriage. God knew that it was not good for man to be alone; he said so in the garden when he created Eve. He knew the best thing for a man was to have a wife to share life and to become one with. Since we are broken people, being rebuilt by Jesus, we cannot truly know and understand the fullness of God’s plan for oneness in marriage. Yet, we can open up our lives to His word, His commands and His calling for wives as we strive for this one flesh union.
The relationship between God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit reflects the marriage relationship God desired for us. God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit all have their own characteristics, their own roles, but they are all one. While they can do separate things they cannot be separated. This is a mirror image of God, husband and wife. Truly beautiful!
3 Steps to Grow a One Flesh Mindset
Be transparent-be yourself: For the two of you to move into a one flesh mindset, you as a wife have to be yourself. Your hubby wants to know your innermost thoughts. He wants to hear your fears, to share your dreams, to live life with you! We all have things that we would rather not share with others, but being able to share them with your hubby, knowing you will be safe and loved is amazing! A true blessing. I believe that most of our hubby’s would love to really know what we are thinking and they would love for us to share our true selves with them. The good and the not so good! Try to open yourself up more to your hubby!
Change your thinking:
When thinking about life and situations in general, remind yourself that you and your hubby are in this together.  Think about his feelings, his needs, his desires before you proceed.  If you are not sure, talk to him.  Say to yourself, “I know what I would do or want, but what does my hubby think about this?”  I used to make many decisions on my own.  I didn’t like waiting and I felt I could do it alone.  Now, even when Brad is at work, I slow down and remind myself that I can talk with him about things when he gets home.  (I only call him at work with something that needs a decision right away)  This has taught me to include him in all my thinking and decisions as well as teaching me to relax and wait.  Two things I desperately needed to learn for myself and our marriage.
Talk with your hubby, ask his thoughts and opinions: One great way of encouraging your one flesh connection is to talk with your hubby. Talk about big things, but talk about the mundane little things as well! Keeping up conversation within your marriage will help you both to feel connected on many levels. Our hubby’s really do like when we ask their opinion. Keeping in mind that you need to ask it and then take very high into consideration what he has said. This will show him a great amount of admiration and respect.
While I was stuck in selfishness in our marriage I was mentally keeping score of what I was doing and what Brad was not doing. We were two separate entities trying to do a united marriage, getting nowhere-fast! Anyone else ever feel that way? When God was working on my heart to change, I realized that I had to stop thinking about myself all the time. When I started thinking about how I could show Brad respect, love him and serve him, I felt so much better and our one flesh connection blossomed. It was not just a one-way street, Brad took strides in leaving his selfish ways behind too. I will let him talk further on that.
Being one, means being selfless. It means dying to our selfish nature. It does not happen overnight, but I believe it will not happen if you stay stuck in your own selfishness. There will be times of triumph and times of trials. Becoming one flesh is a journey. It means letting yourself be known completely and seeking to know your hubby completely. It is a high calling and a hard one. Will you take the steps to encourage oneness in your marriage?
When thinking about life and situations in general, remind yourself that you and your hubby are in this together. Think about his feelings, his needs, his desires before you proceed. If you are not sure, talk to him. Say to yourself, “I know what I would do or want, but what does my hubby think about this?” I used to make many decisions on my own. I didn’t like waiting and I felt I could do it alone. Now, even when Brad is at work, I slow down and remind myself that I can talk with him about things when he gets home, or call him at work with something that needs a decision right away.  This has taught me to include him in all my thinking and decisions as well as teaching me to relax and wait. Two things I desperately needed to learn for myself and our marriage.

I Know I'm Not the Only One

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Helpful Hints

How to Respect Your Husband: 7 Helpful Hints

And let the wife see that she respects her husband.  That’s what Paul wrote in the second half of Ephesians 5:33. Respect is something that I believe has diminished throughout the years. So many marriages begin well and end poorly because men and women are not properly trained in how to treat one another. God has specific roles for the husband and the wife and when we stay within those roles we have happy marriages and good family lives.  Respect is something that should be mutual between all members of the family, but for this article I want to give some helpful hints for wives on how to respect their husbands. (For a related article read “How to Love Your Wife: 7 Helpful Tips”)

Respect His Leadership 

“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

God gave you your husband as the leader in your home.  This means that he is not only the Spiritual leader; he is the one who make decisions.  Women are ill-equipped to make large decisions; we are far too emotional for that big responsibility. Your part in the decision process could be to help him be the leader by providing him with information that will aid in decision-making. And remember that just because you provided information, this does not mean that your husband will consider that information.  He chooses what to use in the decision process; a wise husband will ask for his wife’s advice.  When he chooses not to consider your information and/or advice let him take responsibility for the decision, be it good or bad.  Never, ever say “I told you so” or words to that effect when a decision has gone bad.  When he makes good decisions thank him for taking that burden. Remember to avoid getting leadership and advice from other males in your life such as your pastor, friend or even your brother. Take a look at what the Bible says about your husband’s role as leader and head of the wife:

1 Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. 

Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Respect His Provision 

This is a Biblical principle that has been overlooked in our modern world.  In the day of the two-income family, we have come to depend upon the wife’s income to provide for the needs of the family. This ought not to be. Don’t misunderstand; I realize that sometimes it is necessary for a woman to work outside of the home, in the case where the husband is physically unable.  However, when your husband is able to provide for the family – let him do it! Here is the Biblical standard on the husband as the provider: 

Genesis 3:17-20 And to Adam he said, ”Because you have listened to the voice of your wife  and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ’You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you;  in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”

1 Timothy 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Respect His Maleness 

Accept the fact that God made you the weaker vessel. This is one of those things that have taken me many years to do.  I am a strong willed woman and many times I have tried to do things that I needed not to do. I now am thankful that my husband carries the heavy packages and opens the doors for me. He is being what God has made him to be, my protector – not only for safely sake but for my own health and well-being. You were created for him, as his helper. Let your husband be the strong one and when he is, praise him for it and thank God for him. Let him open that pickle jar; even if you loosened it for him. Here are some Bible verses for this hint:

Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

1 Corinthians 11:9 Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.

1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Respect as an Attitude

There are times when the husband is not respectful to the wife. This does not give you license to be disrespectful. You cannot control his actions, but you can control your reactions. You see, respect is not only seen in your actions (as a verb) but it is also seen in your attitude (as a noun). When you show an attitude of respect toward your husband he will think twice about the way that he is treating you. Love him, even when he is unlovely. Serve him, even when he seems not to appreciate your service. Listen to him, even when you may not understand what he is talking about. Be attentive to his physical needs, even when you are tired.  God will bless you and your marriage when you remember to have a respectful attitude.  Bible guidelines for this are:

Romans 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Philippians 2:3-4 (KJV) Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

Philippians 4:13 (KJV) I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. 

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives

Respect His Reputation 

Don’t air your dirty laundry. When you are in the company of others you should never be saying things that tear your husband down. Instead you should be saying only good about him. Brag on him! Be faithful to him in thought, word and deed. This includes what you say and do in front of the children. Teach them to respect their Daddy, he is their protector too and they should see him as a hero. The Bible is loaded with this concept, here are a few verses:

Proverbs 12:7 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 31:11-12 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. 

Romans 14:19 Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. 

Respect His Home 

Make your house a home, no matter what the living circumstance. Make it comfortable and clean. Make the bed. Clean up the dirty dishes. Keep up with the laundry. Your husband works hard and he deserves a cozy home after a hard day. Get up before your husband and the children – set the tone for the day.  When you have things in order your day will run smoother for your entire household. Teach the children to clean up after themselves and how to do daily and weekly chores. All this should be done without grumbling or complaining.

Proverbs 14:1 The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.

Proverbs 31:15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. 

Proverbs 31:27 she looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Philippians 2:14 Do all things without grumbling or questioning 

Titus 2:4-5 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Respect Yourself; Work on Being The Best Wife 

Being a wife doesn’t just happen. I am thankful that many years ago I had a group of very godly wives praying for me when I was a career-bound wife and mom. I believe to this day that they “prayed” me home! They were not perfect women, nor am I. The thing that I want to encourage you in is that there are other women out there that have been where you are. They are the women who successfully manage a home and may even have a bushel of children that they are raising as well. Learn from them. Ask them how they do it. See if there is a lady’s Bible study group in your church that you can join. Get some Christian girlfriends if you haven’t already done that.  Above all, get daily in the Word.  Pull your resources together so that you are able to have an organized time with the Lord each day. Personal Spiritual growth is essential for your relationship with God and ultimately with your husband. Redeem the time, spend time doing things that you know will please the Lord.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Ephesians 5:15-16 (KJV) See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

Colossians 4:5 (KJV) Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time.

2 Timothy 2:15 (KJV) Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

Titus 2:3-5 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Don't make these mistakes!

Three Common Mistakes Women Make In The Bedroom


Who doesn't need to spice up their bedroom routine every once in a while? You love your partner and assume he'll initiate sex, so it's all good, right? Not so fast! Did you ever think about what your role is...what you could be doing to turn up the heat? We did, so we asked renowned sex expert and family therapist Dr. Jane Greer. She says women commonly make three mistakes in the bedroom:

Mistake #1: Comfy Clothes
I know, ladies, that you want to be in those comfortable nightgowns, those comfortable jammies that you wear. But, honestly, the quickest turn-off to your partner or spouse is your comfy clothes. So, if you want to spice things up in your love life, shed those comfy clothes and find a nice, hot bra or a nice nighty, something you can be slinky, sexy and comfortable in that will be a turn-on to your partner.

Mistake #2: Not Taking the Lead
Don't wait to get asked to dance, meaning you've got to take the lead. You don't have to wait for your partner to ask you to have sex or make love with them. Get involved, get into bed, take the lead and get your partner into bed with you. You'll both have a lot of fun and enjoy yourselves.

Mistake #3: Criticism
It's to be avoided at all costs. Nothing will turn off your partner faster than you telling him what you don't like and what you don't want taking place. On the other hand, what will be a complete arousal and turn-on is letting him know what he can do to please you and what will excite you if he does it.

So, tell him what you like, wear those sexy clothes and, most importantly of all, take the lead so that you can have the fun you're looking for!

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Show Her You Love Her!!!

Very, very great suggestions on how to show your wife you love her!  Some are pretty common-sense, but I think most women would love to have these suggestions a part of their marriage.

The key to a successful marriage is putting your spouse’s needs ahead of your own. Here are 25 practical suggestions gleaned from 25 years of happy marriage.

  1. Listen
    To be truly heard is the longing of every human heart, and your wife is no exception. It sounds simple, but listening can be harder than it seems with so many distractions around us and within us. Set aside some time every day to look into your wife’s eyes and really listen to what she has to say. You may be surprised at what you hear. (James 1:19, Matthew 11:15)
  2. Communicate
    Don’t make her guess what you are thinking or feeling.
  3. Sing Her Praises
    Shamelessly brag about her good qualities and quietly pray about her bad ones. Her reputation is your reputation. (Proverbs 31:28-29)
  4. Pray For Her and With Her
    Praying on your wife’s behalf not only enlists the help of the Almighty, but also puts her and her needs at the forefront of your heart and mind, right where they belong. Praying alongside your wife will strengthen your relationship like nothing else. Studies show that couples who regularly pray together stay together, enjoying a 1% divorce rate compared to the usual rate of 50% or more. (Philippians 4:6; Matthew 18:19)
  5. Value Her Individuality
    Your wife is wonderfully unique. Don’t compare her to your mom, or your ex-wife, or your old girlfriend. Your mom may make the best chocolate chip cookies in the world, but unfavorable comparisons won’t win you brownie points.
  6. Put the Seat Down
    Perpetually raised toilet seats are a pet peeve of wives everywhere. And while you’re at it, tidy up a bit. A little consideration goes a long way. (Philippians 2:4)
  7. Throw Your Dirty Clothes in the Hamper
    It’s likely just a few steps from wherever you are dropping them anyway. Make this a habit, and it will let your wife know your don’t consider her your personal maid.
  8. Turn Off the T.V.
    Lay aside the video games, pocket the iPhone, and shut off the computer, as well. It is staggering how many hours we waste gazing at some sort of screen instead of interacting with the real people in our lives. Consciously set limits on your tube-time, whatever form it takes. Use the time saved to invest in your marriage: take a walk with your wife or play a board game together instead. (Psalm 90:12)
  9. Loosen the Purse Strings
    We all have to keep an eye on our budget, but an occasional splurge can be well worth it. Seemingly frivolous things like flowers, jewelry, and overpriced restaurants let her know that she is more valuable to you than a number in your bank account.
  10. Practice Servant-Leadership
    All organizations have a hierarchy. It’s impossible to function without one, but being a leader isn’t the same as being a dictator. The best role model is Jesus Christ, not Joseph Stalin. Jesus washed his disciples feet and then died on their behalf. It’s a challenge to exercise authority while maintaining a spirit of humility, but that is what being a godly leader entails. (Matthew 20:28, Philippians 2:1-8; Mark 9:35)
  11. Remember that Intimacy’s a Two-Way Street
    Unfortunately, men are notoriously selfish in the bedroom, yet are dumbfounded when their wives are less than enthusiastic in this arena. Make this area of your relationship as pleasurable for her as it is for you and it will pay huge dividends. It may mean washing the dishes or helping with the kids, so that she has energy left at the end of the day. It may mean cuddling and candlelight, so that she can relax and let the worries on her mind drift away. If you aren’t sure where to begin, just ask her, and then listen. (1 Corinthians 7:3)
  12. Give Her Time to Herself
    Everyone needs an occasional break to rest and recharge, and this is especially important for a wife who is at home all day with young children. Yet it’s very easy to neglect this legitimate need unless you regularly and intentionally schedule time for it. (Luke 5:16)
  13. Set Aside Couple Time
    Soak in the tub together each evening or go on a date night once a week — whatever gets the two of you alone on a regular basis. (Genesis 2:24-25)
  14. Be Careful with Female Friendships
    We all have friends and colleagues of the opposite sex, but tread cautiously. Not all affairs are physical ones. Honoring your marriage vows means remaining faithful in thought and word as well as in deed. (Matthew 5:27-28)
  15. Use Good Hygiene
    It is amazing how meticulous guys can be prior to marriage in their attempts to impress a girl, but once they walk down the aisle, all bets are off. Clean up a little; I promise it won’t kill you.
  16. Limit the Gross Stuff
    Few women find burping and farting nearly as hilarious as the typical guy does. Good manners are always a win. (Ephesians 5:4)
  17. Be Patient
    In whatever way this applies to you and your situation, apply it. (1 Corinthians 13:4, Proverbs 14:29)
  18. Cherish Her Children
    A mother’s bond to her children runs immeasurably deep. When you invest time or energy in them, you are investing in her as well. Kindness to them counts as kindness to her. (Malachi 4:6)
  19. Choose Her Over Hobbies and Buddies
    Invariably there will come times in your relationship when you will be forced to choose between your wife and something else that you enjoy. Always choose her.
  20. Provide for Her Needs
    This is so much more than just putting food on the table. It is all-encompassing. Whether it is physical needs, emotional needs, spiritual needs, you name it — do your best to provide. Sometimes life’s circumstances hinder us in one area, but we can compensate in another area. Often the effort is as important as the outcome. (Galatians 6:2)
  21. Dial Down the Anger
    Your caveman instincts are handy on the battlefield, but horrible for a happy home life. Every outburst or flare-up is a relationship setback. To go forward, the first step is to stop going backwards. Learn to control your temper or it will control you, your marriage, and every other aspect of your life. Just because your wife puts up with it and your co-workers tolerate it, doesn’t make your short fuse an asset. Do whatever it takes to gain victory in this all-important struggle that has haunted man since Cain slew Abel. (Ecclesiastes 7:9, Ephesians 4:31)
  22. Cut Out the Condescension
    If you have been blessed with a quick wit, you can either be the life of the party or a pain in the neck depending on the circumstances. Condescension is anger’s younger brother. It isn’t as loud or as dramatic, but it can be equally hurtful and all the more so for its subtlety. Lay off the snide remarks, the sarcasm, and the belittling. Speak to your wife in the same way that you would speak to a respected colleague. She is, after all, your partner in the most valuable investment of your life — your family.(, (Ephesians 4:29, Colossians 3:19)
  23. Actively Seek Your Wife’s Insights
    Value her input and give it a preferential place in your decision-making process. (Proverbs 19:20; 12:15)
  24. Learn to Forgive
    Freely forgive your wife’s past, present, and future offenses. Forgiveness is at the heart of the gospel and at the heart of every meaningful relationship. (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13)
  25. Verbally Express Your Love
    There are lots of ways to show your love, but women still like to hear it spoken.


Saturday, August 10, 2013


In my experience - Men need to feel respected by their wives.  They need to know that their wife trusts them and honors their opinions and thoughts and decisions.  It is so easy to do, yet many of my friends simply refuse to show their husband any form of respect - they belittle their husbands, they question their decisions, and they refuse to make their husband a priority. 

My friends wonder why everything in their life is falling apart and it's because they have failed to nurture what should be the most important part of their life - their marriage.  If your marriage is happy, your life is happy.  If your marriage starts to crumble it doesn't matter if your home is paid off or if you have money in the bank - it is impossible to be truly happy.  Your core, your soul, you as a human cannot flourish when your marriage is miserable.
25 Ways to Communicate Respect

Actions speak louder than words. You can say you respect your husband, but he’ll have a hard time believing that unless your behavior backs it up.

What does respectful living look like? Here are 25 ways you can communicate respect to your spouse without uttering a word. If you’ll make it your habit to do these things, the next time you tell your husband how much you respect him, he won’t have to wonder if you really mean it.

  1. Choose Joy
    It’s true: A happy wife makes a happy life. Please don’t use moodiness as an attempt to manipulate your man, but in all things rejoice, because that’s the right thing to do. (1 Thessaonians 5:16; Philippians 4:4)
  2. Honor His Wishes
    Give weight to what your husband thinks is important. Make those things a priority that matter most to him, whether it’s having dinner ready when he gets home from work or keeping the house tidy or limiting computer time. Don’t make him ask twice. (Philippians 2:4)
  3. Give Him Your Undivided Attention
    Yes, I know that women are masters of multi-tasking, but when your husband is speaking to you, make a point to lay other tasks aside, look into his eyes, and listen to what he is saying with the goal of understanding and remembering his words.
  4. Don’t Interrupt
    Have you ever been around a person who won’t let you finish a sentence? That gets old fast. Even if you think you already know what your husband is going to say, allowing him to say it without cutting him off mid-sentence shows both respect and common courtesy.
  5. Emphasize His Good Points
    Sure, he has his faults (as do you), but dwelling on them will only make you (both) miserable. Choose instead to focus on those qualities in your husband that you most admire. (Philippians 4:8)
  6. Pray for Him
    Ruth Graham advises wives to “tell your mate the positive, and tell God the negative.” Take your concerns to God. Faithfully lift up your husband in prayer every day, and you will likely notice a transformation not only in him, but in yourself, as well. (Philipians 4:6-7; 1 Thessalonians 5:17)
  7. Don’t Nag
    Your husband is a grown man, so don’t treat him like a two-year-old. Leave room for God to work. You are not the Holy Spirit, so do not try to do His job.
  8. Be Thankful
    Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Don’t take your husband for granted. Be appreciative for everything he does for you, whether big or small. Always say thank you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18; Ephesians 5:20)
  9. Smile at Him
    Smiles spread happiness. Smiles have even been shown to create happiness. Smiles are contagious. And a smile makes any woman more beautiful.
  10. Respond Physically
    Did you know that the way you respond (or don’t respond) to your husband’s romantic overtures has a profound effect on his self-confidence? Don’t slap him away when he tries to hug you or make excuses when he’s in the mood. Your enthusiastic cooperation and reciprocation will not only assure him of your love, but will make him feel well-respected, too. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
  11. Eyes Only for Him
    Don’t compare your husband unfavorably to other men, real or imaginary. It is neither fair nor respectful and will only breed trouble and discontent. Avoid watching movies or reading books that might cause you to stumble in this area, as well. (Psalm 19:14; Proverbs 4:23)
  12. Kiss Him Goodbye
    I once read about a study done in Germany which found that men whose wives kissed them goodbye every morning were more successful than those who weren’t kissed. Success and respect often go hand-in-hand, so be sure to send him off right, and don’t forget to greet him with a kiss when he returns home, for good measure. (2 Corinthians 13:12)
  13. Prepare His Favorite Foods
    Although the rest of the family is not overly-fond of spaghetti, my husband loves it, so I try to make it at least two or three times a month as a way to honor him. Next time you’re planning meals, give special consideration to your husband’s preferences. (Proverbs 31:14-15)
  14. Cherish Togetherness
    I love to sit near my husband, whether at home or away. Our church shares potluck dinners every Sunday afternoon, and although the men and women normally sit separately to visit, I like to position myself close enough to my husband that I can listen to the conversation, as I think everything he says is so interesting. At home, I’ll take my book or handwork to whatever room in the house he’s working in, just to be close to him, because I enjoy his company, even when neither of us is talking.
  15. Don’t Complain
    Nobody wants to be around a whiner or complainer. It is grating on the nerves. Remember the serenity prayer: accept the things you can’t change, courageously change the things you can, seek wisdom to know the difference. (Philippians 2:14)
  16. Resist the Urge to Correct
    I know one wife whose spouse can’t tell a story without her stopping him fifteen times to correct inconsequential details: “It wasn’t Monday evening, it was Monday afternoon…. It wasn’t blue, it was turquoise…. He didn’t ride the bus, he took a shuttle.” Please. Please. Please. Don’t ever do that to your husband — or to anyone else, for that matter! (Proverbs 17:28)
  17. Dress to Please Him
    Take care of your appearance. Choose clothes your husband finds flattering, both in public and around the house.
  18. Keep the House Tidy
    To the best of your abilities, try to maintain a clean and orderly home. Seek to make it a haven of rest for your entire family. (Proverbs 31:27)
  19. Be Content
    Do not pressure your husband to keep up with the Jonses. Take satisfaction in the lifestyle he is able to provide for you. (1 Timothy 6:6-10; Hebrews 13:5)
  20. Take His Advice
    Do not dismiss his opinions lightly, especially when you’ve asked for his counsel in the first place. Make every effort to follow your husband’s advice.
  21. Admire Him
    Voiced compliments and heartfelt praise are always welcome, but you should also make it your habit to just look at your husband in a respectful, appreciative way. Think kind thoughts toward him. He’ll be able to see the admiration in your eyes. (Luke 6:45)
  22. Protect His Name
    Honor your husband in the way you speak of him to family and friends. Guard his reputation and do not let minor disagreements at home cause you to speak ill of him in public. Live in such a way that it will be obvious to others why your husband married you in the first place. (Proverbs 12:4; 22:1)
  23. Forgive His Shortcomings
    In the words of Ruth Bell Graham, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” Please do not hold grudges against your husband. Do not allow a root of bitterness or resentment find a home in your heart. Forgive your husband freely, as Christ has forgiven you. (Mark 11:25; Matthew 18:21-35)
  24. Don’t Argue
    You are not always right, and you do not always have to have the last word. Be the first to say, “I’m sorry.” Be willing to accept the blame. It takes two to argue, so “abandon a quarrel before it breaks out.” (Proverbs 17:14; 21:19; 25:24)
  25. Follow His Lead
    If you want your husband to lead, you must be willing to follow. Neither a body nor a family can function well with two heads. Learn to defer to your husband’s wishes and let final decisions rest with him. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

Proverbs 18:22 tells us, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Do these 25 things consistently, and your husband will never have trouble believing that fact.