Give him what he wants...

What men really want

Fox On Sex

Published January 21, 2013

Women's Health

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/01/21/what-men-really-want/?intcmp=features#ixzz2IfEu4csq

 

Want to know what your man is thinking? The male brain's needs, fears and secret desires will surprise you.

1. Talk More Like a Man
We don't mean to clear your throat or speak in deeper tones. Just get to the point quicker. As much as men love the sound of your voice and really love to help you out, their attention spans are short.

Their minds will wander if they don't see a conclusion on your story's horizon. So, as you are sharing the details of today's run-in with Brenda from Business Affairs, skip the transcript of the exchange and create a highlight reel. He'll get the gist if you keep it short and just say what's on your mind—like most men talk when talking with other guys.

But, remember, he's not hearing the story for story's sake. He's looking for a problem to fix for you. So, if there isn't one or you're not really looking for solutions, broadcast that to him in black and white: "I'm not looking for you to fix anything; I feel better just having you understand how I'm feeling." Say it your way. Suddenly, you will have given him the reward he was looking for—the satisfaction of having provided something of value to you, the woman he cares about. (Does your guy sometimes tune you out? Learn how you can communicate better with these 4 Ways to Talk to Men .)

2. Grab Hold of His Hand
Many women think that men don't like cuddling, hand-holding, and other non-sexual forms of closeness; they're wrong. Men enjoy it as much as you do, but they are conditioned to hide these deep desires to avoid the appearance of weakness—"non-maleness"— in front of other men and even from you. When you display your love in public by grabbing his hand, planting a brief but passionate kiss or touching his thigh with your hand, you demonstrate confidence in your sexuality, which men find irresistible.

3. Give Him Props
Remember how hard you worked on those show-and-tell projects in kindergarten, and how good you felt when the class clapped and, at home, Dad said "attagirl"? Men are, in many ways, kindergarteners who want nothing more than your appreciation and respect for their hard work.

Because that recognition rarely comes from their bosses, it's even more critical that you give it to them on occasion at home when they do something particularly thoughtful or skillful. Men grow up with cultural expectations to be strong and brave, to suppress their emotions, fears, and hurts, so it may be very difficult to detect this need beneath their stoic armor. But, rest assured, it's there; men can be insecure. (Find out why acknowledging his little acts of kindness is The Easiest Way to Build a Better Relationship .)

One of the most effective ways to show your love for him is to fulfill his need to feel valued and needed as provider and protector. In a poll of Men's Health readers, 66 percent said they want women to compliment them on an intangible yet specific quality, something they uniquely possess. Be sincere: "I love how you always can make me feel better" is much more effective than "You're wonderful" because it reinforces his efforts to care for you.

4. Laugh With and at Him
After her body, her sense of humor is the most attractive thing about women for men who responded to The Big Book of Sex survey. But that doesn't mean you have to be quick with jokes and witty one-liners.

Simply being able to laugh with him, at him, and at yourself is a sign of intellectual compatibility, says Dr. Billy Goldberg, co-author of Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex? "Men want a woman who is as comfortable relating her own ridiculous anecdote as she is listening to ours."

5. Ask for What You Want
Men aren't the best mind readers. But they understand coaching, having spent years playing organized sports. So most of them respond well to feedback and direction. In fact, they would very much enjoy hearing what you'd like them to do to you in bed. If you're not really comfortable asking for specifics, take the pressure off by talking in generalities when you're not in bed.

Once you're between the sheets, "turn requests into erotic expressions, not instructions," says Joy Davidson, a sex therapist in New York and author of Fearless Sex. "Saying 'Oh, do that. . .' isn't an order, it's sexy." (Certain words can make good sex great. Learn What to Say in Bed .)

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/01/21/what-men-really-want/?intcmp=features#ixzz2IfEnnaVm

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/01/21/what-men-really-want/?intcmp=features

Do it!! :)

How to Seduce Your Spouse
Unsatisfied with the way you and your spouse approach sex? Use these tips to help spice things up and get the fire back.

BY DENISE J. CHARLES

One of the fallacies of marriage, which many of us walk innocently into, is the idea of "sex on demand."

We somehow naively believe that great sex will be a natural, spontaneous outflow of our love for our spouse. Men tend to think that their marriage investment will yield endless nights of unbridled passion, while women hope that their sexual accessibility will keep their husbands permanently glued to their side.

Then the reality of marriage sets in and most of us realize that our imagined sexual utopia isn't as much within our reach as we thought. Sex becomes one of those illusive things not quite within our grasp, as we are faced with the reality of juggling responsibilities, which are anything but sexy. As a consequence, we usually end up struggling to keep our sex lives afloat.

We women are blessed with a deeply intuitive sense of how to bring a guy to heel. While this may have been used a bit unscrupulously for centuries to manipulate a man against his better judgment, wives need to know how to harness this power positively in their marriages. Whether you're a husband or wife, however, if you find yourself dissatisfied with the state of your sexual affairs, perhaps honing your skills in the art of seduction may be a great way to put the sexy back into your flagging relationship.

The Bend-Over Rule

For centuries wives have been bending over backwards in more ways than one to compromise and make adjustments in their relationships. Now is the time to take this rule to the next level. Probably one of the oldest tricks in the book, a wife needs to reconnect with the raw power of her sexuality by harnessing the power of her assets… literally. Not to complicate this procedure, she needs to remind her husband of why he found her so attractive in the first place. So after donning a sexy pair of shorts, a really short dress, mini-skirt or a sexy lingerie get-up with a thong in place, she can flaunt her body in all kinds of ways to remind her husband about what he's been missing.

The Heated Phone Call
Men love to know that their wives are sometimes the sexual aggressor. Getting all hot and heavy on the phone with your husband is a great way not only to communicate your sexual desire, but also to get him all hot and bothered. Telling him explicitly what you would love to do to him when he gets home, or being coy and suggestive with your words or text messages, is a sure fire way to pique his sexual interest.

Looks That Thrill

Everyone knows that men are largely visual and the eyes are not called the windows of the soul without reason. The eyes are powerful tools of communication and should be used by men to speak honest volumes to their wives. While some men are comfortable using their eyes in their youthful, flirtatious days when impressing the opposite sex or snagging a partner was a priority, after marriage, many lapse and tend to bury this skill. Looking lovingly at your spouse, complimenting her body, dressed or undressed, with your eyes, gazing directly or allowing your smoldering desire to be evident, should be a key feature in your seduction repertoire.

Woo Her With Words

 As men are visual, women are verbal. We don't only love to speak but we love to be spoken to. A husband who longs to get it on with his wife should learn to romance her with words of love and desire. Most of us women long to know that our partner's desire for us transcends our genitals and really is about the wonderful person whom he is still smitten by. So husbands, using your own awkward words can be endearing but memorable. Alternately, you can grow lofty and poetic with a poem by Robert Burns or a simple Hallmark card may do the trick. For you men willing to go all the way, some graphic sexual language may even get you more than you bargained for. The trick is to be in-tuned with your wife's preferences and to go with the flow.

The Hands Have It

My husband is a talented chef and welder and I make no bones about communicating just how good he is with his hands. While the voice and the eyes are significant, harnessing the power of touch is a skill that neither husbands nor wives should forget. Massaging feet, temples, necks and shoulders and following with delicious butterfly kisses are great starting points for seduction. Playful tugging at breasts, butts or caressing of the legs, can also be a great way to communicate desire, when the timing is right.

Sexualizing Your Relationship

The art of seduction lies in the ability to honestly and unashamedly communicate desire, in a way that stimulates a similar desire in your partner. What makes seduction more authentic is where it reflects the general tenor of the marriage, even if sex is not happening as often as you think it should.

The truth is that a sexy or sexualized marriage is not necessarily one with loads of straight-up sex, but one where the sexual possibilities are always open. In this regard, communicating love and desire, spending time together, touching and smooching regularly and treating each other like lovers instead of room-mates, are great ways to keep the sexual tone of the marriage alive. When seduction is necessary, it becomes another way of deepening the sexual dimension of your marriage.

Denise J Charles is an educator, counselor, relationship-coach, published author and blogger. She holds a Masters Degree in Education and is a qualified trainer-of-trainers. Denise is Executive Director of "Better Blends Relationship Institute," a counseling and training entity founded by herself and her husband Gabriel. Denise’s blog on sex can be found "here". Denise’s new book is "How To Have Mind-Blowing Sex Without Losing Your Brain."

http://www.hitchedmag.com/article.php?id=1499

Are You a 'We' Couple Or a 'Me' Couple?

http://magazine.foxnews.com/love/are-you-we-couple-or-me-couple#ixzz2IT2fl5JH

 

 

 

My father-in-law spent over thirty five years as a circuit court judge. He noticed that some clients paid teams of lawyers only to be poorly represented. He noted in these cases that, "the lawyers are so busy arguing with each other that nobody's arguing the case."

There was an absence of cohesiveness and the ego driven fighting rendered the team ineffective.

I've noticed a similar dynamic in relationships, one I call the "me" couple vs. the "we" couple. The "me" couple operates as two distinct people who happen to be in a relationship. This can be true of a couple who got together last week or one who's been together for fifty years. It's the attitude. The "me" couple are not really partners. They may love each other; they may be happy enough, but they don't operate as effectively in love or work as the "we" couple.

The "we" couples are unquestionably a team. You see it in their body language and especially in their speech. And when they have successes or problems they view it as something happening to both of them.

A University of California study showed that couples who use pronouns like "we," "our" and "us" showed less stress and were more positive toward each other. Those found to be less satisfied in their marriages used pronouns like "me," "I" and "you." Happy couples often speak in a "we." As in, "we had a nice time at the party" and "we had a major plumbing problem at the house last week."

The idea is that unconsciously they've formed a sense of being a part of a team and life is happening to both of them. These couples will fight, they may even not fight nicely. They have no fewer problems than anyone else but the way they cope is better. Rather than waste energy blaming each other they see a problem as something they both need to solve. So they divide tasks, brainstorm, resolve and move forward. Life is better when the blame is minimized and the challenge (whatever it may be) is addressed by both people.

The "we" couples take themselves less seriously. They don't imagine they can be perfect and are unsurprised when things don't go swimmingly. Rather than a "here we go again, the universe hates me," when the car is stolen, a "we" couple will quickly bemoan the fact that this happened to "us" and move on. Of course cars get stolen, it happens every day. He files the police report, she arranges a rental. They get to work on time and the flow of life continues.

"Me" couples blame each other (I told you we shouldn't have parked here. Why did you open an account in a bank here? It's a crummy neighborhood). They storm off, they don't resolve the issue quickly, they don't get to work and they have more problems as the newest spiral downward commences.

Becoming a "we" couple can be as simple as starting to use the word more. Think of things that brought you together and keep you together. Is it being parents, charitable work, common hobbies, a love for sports or the environment? These things may be simple or profound. The next time you're together, talk about the "we" things in conversation. Reminisce about them. When problems come up, resist the urge to blame, take a deep breath and try to move immediately to problem solving. This movement and restraint is the work of change. It's worthwhile to make the effort.

 

Also, be kind to each other and think of your significant other as a partner. Ask for their opinion and their input so that decisions begin to be made together in an atmosphere that doesn't blame and judge. Judgment causes the team to argue and worse, the partners even stop suggesting ideas for fear that anything they say can and will be used against them. Build an atmosphere of cooperation by understanding each other and inviting your partner's thoughts.

Finally, avoid "me" couples for a while. Be aware that other people's expressions and attitudes can influence even the best relationships. For a while, insulate yourselves while you're building up your "we" approach. It's a quick turn around and a minimum of effort to put in for very worthwhile benefits.

 

M. Gary Neuman is a New York Times best-selling author, rabbi, and creator of Neuman Method Programs. He was on the Oprah show 11 times as well as having made multiple appearances on Today, Dateline, the View, NPR and others. Oprah referred to Gary as "One of the best psychotherapists in the world."

To receive discounts on Gary's Creating Your Best Marriage 11 DVD set program, go to NeumanMethod.com and use coupon code Foxnews.

 

Read more: http://magazine.foxnews.com/love/are-you-we-couple-or-me-couple#ixzz2IT2EKnZs

 

Today is the BDE (Best Day Ever)

I am so happy -- I love this day! 

 

 

Tips for the Best Marriage Ever

10 Ways to Improve Your Marriage Right Now

Written by Sasha Brown-Worsham on CafeMom's blog, The Stir.

Marriage is not easy. When you've seen people who make it 10, 15, and 30 years together, you know you are looking at two people who have fought, compromised, and stayed committed to one another through a lot. There's a lot to be learned from these people.

But marriages don't fail from big problems, at least not all the time. Very often, people end up splitting over the small things, especially once the small things add up.

With this in mind, I asked around for advice, small ways that people can improve their love and their marriage today. This doesn't include therapy or major sucking up or any major effort on the part of anyone. These are small things that can make a big difference. So here are 10 important ways you can improve your marriage RIGHT NOW. See below:

Apologize when you are wrong: Forget pride. If you realize you are wrong in a fight, admit it and say you are sorry. It will make a world of difference in terms of staying close.

Imagine the other person gone during a fight: There is no better way to stop a fight than to imagine losing or missing the other person. That sadness? That tightness in your chest? That's the love you feel for them.

Laugh more: For me, this is the biggest secret to 10 years of marriage. My husband and I crack each other up. We roll on the floor laughing and genuinely enjoy each other's company. This is what keeps us strong.

Arrange weekly meetings: If you have young kids and two careers, there is nothing more important than having weekly "meetings." It may not be romantic, but neither is nagging, and this curbs that a lot. From a friend who has started them: "It has been very helpful from a practical side of just getting through everyday life as a team." Amen.

Schedule sex: It's not romantic, but in our busy lives, it's necessary. Pencil that shite in, because you know what's less romantic? A sexless marriage.

Talk about the little things: Talk about the big things, but also discuss the little things. Talk and then talk some more. The more you talk, the more you learn.

Have your own life: No one likes someone with no friends. So get hobbies. Get friends. Get a life! Now! It will make your spouse appreciate you more.

Remember to thank the other person: It's true. However small it seems, remember to say thanks for small things, even if they are expected. "Hey, thanks for making dinner tonight." It creates a lot of goodwill and helps each person feel appreciated.

Stop yelling: No one is suggesting you stop fighting. Some fights are needed. But stop yelling. And name calling. And fighting dirty. Trust me.

Hold hands: Even when you are mad at each other, just touch. Whether it's in bed or out of bed. Sometimes the simple act of touching one another can help curb angry feelings.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/the-stir/10-ways-to-improve-your-m_b_2397108.html?utm_hp_ref=tw

Women -- Increase Intimacy in Your Marriage

Be especially mindful of Reason # 3!

Women: Five Reasons Your Divorce Is Your Fault

I teach intimacy skills, but not to couples and not to men. I only teach them to women because we are the ones who have the power to make our relationships intimate. When a woman learns intimacy skills, her relationship becomes passionate and peaceful in about two weeks. Clients often say, "I feel like I have a new husband." But he's not the one who changed -- she did, and then he responds to her differently.

That's how it always is when a woman has a good guy. Of course, not all guys are good guys. If your husband is actively addicted to drugs, alcohol or gambling, or is physically abusive, or not capable of being faithful, yours is a divorce I endorse. Safety comes first and you're not safe in those situations because his compulsion will always come before you.

But if he doesn't fall into one of those categories, he's a good guy -- not a perfect guy, but one you can have a wonderful relationship with when you learn the skills that contribute to intimacy.

Below are five ways that women unwittingly sabotage their marriages, along with the proven remedies for restoring the love and closeness you once shared.

1. Rejecting his efforts to make you happy

Husbands and wives bring different strengths and desires to marriage. For women, feeling cherished and desired is vital. For a man, respect and sex are of utmost importance. Men also have a powerful drive to make their wives happy -- it contributes to their feeling of success.

You might think that your husband is the exception -- that he doesn't care about delighting you -- but he may just be discouraged because he doesn't feel that he can please you. You have the power to transform your relationship by becoming pleasable, which means showing appreciation for his efforts instead of rejecting or dismissing them -- and by extension, him.

When you reject his efforts because they aren't what you had in mind (e.g., a present that isn't what you want, cleaning that's not to your standards, or a compliment you don't agree with), there's nothing he can do to improve the situation, but there is something powerful you can do: receive graciously.

Remedy: Try an experiment for the next two weeks: However small or imperfect his efforts, receive what your husband offers when he is trying to please or help you. Thank him for his thoughtfulness. Notice how quickly this creates more intimacy as you practice the skill of receiving graciously.

2. Taking the same approach at home as you do at work

We women can create a gratifying culture of intimacy, if we know how. If all we've ever been taught is how to get ahead in school and career, but not how to foster intimacy, it's pretty hard to change hats when the work day is done and we want a loving, supportive home.

At work we have to manage projects and staff, move the bottom line and get that promotion. At home the goals are different; we want to feel appreciated and wanted and get more help around the house. But if you treat your husband like an employee, he will rebel. Respecting your husband by saying what you want instead of telling him what to do gives him the opportunity to make you happy in a way that no amount of managing ever will.

Remedy: For two weeks say what you want, but not what he should do or how he should do it. Be patient and allow him to find his own way of pleasing you. Remember, he wants to. Let him, and he will.

3. Withholding sex

Most men need sex more than women to feel intimate. You are his only source for that vital form of connecting, and when you withhold -- whether to punish or because you're exhausted -- you miss a chance to receive the intimacy that you both crave.

Remedy: Over the next two weeks as you start experiencing more intimacy, consider making yourself available for sex at least once a week in support of your mutual goal of connecting.

4. Initiating divorce when the problem isn't insurmountable

Women initiate between 66% and 90% of all divorces. You might think that's because men do things to make marriage untenable -- like cheat or hit them -- but I hear about women divorcing because he didn't help with the baby, he was emotionally unavailable, or because they grew apart. Countless women tell me they divorced because their husbands weren't capable of meeting their needs.

When the women I work with learn intimacy skills, it changes the way they see a previous marriage. Some women tell me that they realize they were married to a good guy, but divorced because they lacked the skills to have a happy relationship. Sometimes it causes them enormous grief.

It is heartbreaking to see marriages end because of a simple lack of skills. It's no different than seeing someone try to drive a car without a single lesson: A crash is inevitable, but it's preventable.

Remedy: Consider taking divorce off the table just for the next two weeks, keeping in mind that intimacy needs safety to thrive. In my experience, any woman who has a good guy can bring her marriage back from the brink of divorce and transform it into a happy, loving relationship by practicing the intimacy skills. You can do the same.

5. Waiting for him to improve

You might wonder why there's no article for men explaining what they can do to improve their marriages. Even if there was, you couldn't make your husband read it or do what it says. You can change yourself, and he will respond to you differently.

Remedy: Instead of pleading, criticizing or demanding that your husband change, try the remedies above for two weeks. To learn how, get the free 17-page e-book Six Lessons for Lasting Love at LauraDoyle.org

If you want peace in your marriage, then let it begin with you.

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laura-doyle/women-five-reasons-your-d_b_2341955.html

Happy New Year!!!

"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year."

 Ralph Waldo Emerson  

I am really not one for new year's resolutions, however, in 2013 I will be more thankful and more appreciative of the many blessings in my life.  I will trust more, give more and love harder.  I will be more expressive of my feelings and unafraid to ask for what I want.  

Most importantly - I will make every day of 2013 the Best Day Ever!