Shit
or Get Off The Pot: Jon’s Long Distance Relationship Dilemma
While some song writers may say all
you need is love, resident relationship expert Brooke knows men can also
benefit from a swift kick in the pants from the boot of knowledge. Check out
her no holds barred advice for a reader confused about the transition from a
mostly digital to a mostly long distance relationship.
Dear Brooke,
I was recently in California for a
month doing a program at The School of The Arts. While there I saw a girl (also
in the program) who was absolutely beautiful, but I never introduced myself.
After coming home, a group formed on Facebook so we could all keep in touch—so
I found the girl, we became Facebook friends, and now we’re talking quite a bit
through text messaging, etc.
She lives in Texas and I’m in TN.
I’m not big on long distance, but I thoroughly enjoy the conversations I have
with this girl and we both flirt quite a bit. If I’m not looking for a long
distance relationship, how should I handle the situation? Should we talk as
strictly friends? Keep flirting? Try to make it work?
Thanks in advance for the advice
-Long Distance Jon
Dear LDJ,
I love your honesty. I love that you
wrote in to ask me about this situation. And I love that your crush has sent
you into a tizzy of hesitation and uncertainty…kinda. You’re love-struck
and all over the place sweetheart, so I’m going to need to get real with you…big
time.
Ready? Here it is, no BS…
You were kind of a pussy about
introducing yourself and becoming friends with her in real life (I get it,
she’s hot and scary, blah blah), and now you’re communicating over the computer
and text message which is pretty much a pussy kind of way of
communicating if you actually want to connect with someone (sometimes
modern isn’t the way to go), and to top it off, you’re pretty much being a
pussy about making something happen or not.
Here’s the deal
darlin’…in less than 140 characters: Shit or get off the pot. Seriously.
I’m not saying you have to either
marry her or never talk to her again…I’m saying that it’s time you realize that
by talking to and flirting with a girl states away, you are actually
starting a long distance relationship. So, either admit it and sign up, or
don’t, and move on. Simple as that.
Beautiful, kind, creative,
worth-a-long-distance-relationship kind of girls already have lots of
friends…she doesn’t need another one. So put the ‘let’s flirt and text
ourselves into a lifelong friendship’ idea out of your mind, like yesterday.
If you’re continuing to flirt and
talk while knowing that you have no intention of committing yourself if things
build, then please bounce ASAP and save everyone the heartache. It’s not worth
it. You’ll waste everyone’s time while making yourself look like a tease.
Don’t, especially under my watch,
become the guy who accidentally gets himself into a relationship that he knew
he never wanted, only to hurt someone in the end. You’re too smart for that.
Yes, smart. I said it. Here’s how I know…
You say you’re not looking for a
long distance relationship, but the issue is… If you weren’t open to this
turning into a long distance relationship you never would have written into
me…
You’re looking for me to give you
permission to do something that you used to say you would never do, that you
told your friends you would never do, that you don’t know how to do, and that
you’re afraid to do.
You’ve convinced yourself that
you’re not a long distance relationship kind of guy…noble enough. But, now
you’ve met someone that you may just want to break that rule for, and you want
me to tell you to go for it, that it’s OK to break your rules. So Jon…go for
it, break your rules. Seriously.
Talk, flirt, text, send her flowers
and emails and mixed tapes, fall for her, go visit her, have phone sex…whatever
floats your boat. Then, see what happens. Maybe something. Maybe nothing. Maybe
maybe maybe.
No matter what happens, we know a
few things for sure. First: You’re into her. And second: Somewhere along the
line you decided that long distance relationships are not for you. So, my
advice? First: Don’t be afraid of beautiful girls. And second: There’s always someone worth breaking your
rules for.
Being a pussy is not about being
vulnerable, it’s about being afraid of vulnerability. So stop being a pussy, and start listening to your gut. You
might get hurt (survival rate is high), you might marry her (it happens).
You’ll never know unless you jump in…with both feet.
Thanks for being you,
B.
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