Love, Love, Love

Love Heals!

The heart of the matter is that it is the heart that matters. To have optimal cardiovascular health, your emotional and spiritual heart is just as important as your physical heart, and care must be given to all aspects of this vital organ.

Every thought and every emotion causes an instantaneous cascade of hundreds, if not thousands, of neuropeptides and hormones that orchestrate a symphony of positive and negative effects within the body. That is why it is so important to pay close attention to the thoughts and emotions that are running through your mind, as they dictate the symphony of neurotransmitters playing in your body. As an example, would you rather be listening to the soothing sounds of classical music or the heart-pounding, adrenaline-charging sounds of heavy metal?

Love is a strong emotion, representing human kindness, compassion, and deep affection. Love is unselfish and benevolent. Love is pure. Love is self-directed and directed toward others. Most importantly, love is a vital component for the health of your heart, body, mind and soul.

Ways That Love Benefits Your Health:

1. Love improves self-esteem, which leads to better self-care. Self-love is key because when you love yourself, you are much more likely to engage in activities that contribute to better nutrition and physical fitness, and less likely to make unhealthy lifestyle choices.
2. Love is a great antidote to stress. Love counteracts the fight-or-flight response that we so often find ourselves in. Even low levels of stress cause the body to release cortisol, which is associated with an increased risk of developing high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease and depression. Love downregulates the production of cortisol. Love encourages your body to produce oxytocin, the "feel-good" or "love" hormone. Oxytocin can reduce cardiovascular stress and improve the immune system, which in turn decreases cell death and inflammation. Love also causes the production in your brain of norepinephrine and dopamine (both hormones associated with adrenaline), which leads to increased feelings of joy and pleasure. Love really is your best medicine.
3. Love decreases anxiety and staves off depression, which subsequently reduces the signs and symptoms of heart disease. In his book Love and Survival: Eight Pathways to Intimacy and Health, Dean Ornish, M.D describes one study where married men who suffered from angina (chest pains) experienced far less angina if they felt loved by their wives, even despite high risk factors like high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and diabetes.
4. Love decreases inflammation, improves your immune system, and can be a potent pain reliever. A recent study from the Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research at Ohio State University College of Medicine showed that people who are lonely develop more reactivation of latent viruses than those that are well connected. Possible mechanisms for these actions include increased release of cytokines, better relaxation and the release of endorphins
5. Sleeping next to someone you love makes you feel more relaxed, which helps you to sleep better. Numerous studies have linked the benefits to the feel-good hormone oxytocin. Adequate rest is vital to heart health and overall well-being, as much of the reparative work of the body is done during sleep.

Not just at Valentine's Day, but all year around, it is important to remind yourself that there is so much more to love than just romantic love. There is love of life, love of nature, love of animals, love of others, and love of self, and all of these acts of love provide amazing health benefits.

Ways to Incorporate Love Into Your Life

1. Be more loving and giving. Bring happiness and joy into other people's lives. Be generous with your time and money; be a person of increase. You can do this through volunteerism and altruism. I challenge everyone to do one random act of kindness today, even if it is as simple as smiling at someone.
2. Hug often and hold hands. Physical contact in a loving and nurturing way has the ability to instantly improve your mood, lower stress levels and put you at ease.
3. Be more playful in your loving relationship and make love often. Remind your partner about how much you care for them, and make time for them, no matter how busy you are.
4. Love life -- bring more joy into your life each day. Flirt with life... laugh, dance, sing. One way to manifest this is to allow yourself to really laugh without holding anything back and simply enjoy this pure laughter.
5. Love yourself and be kind to yourself today. Treat yourself like you would another person who you are truly in love with. The more you love yourself, the better equipped you will be to love others. And the more love you give, the more you will receive

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-cynthia-thaik/love-health-benefits_b_3131370.html?utm_hp_ref=gps-for-the-soul&ir=GPS%20for%20the%20Soul

The “S” Word

The “S” Word

 

The touchy topic of submission has been on my mind since we went to the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember marriage getaway. There was a session where the men and women split up to learn more about what God has called us to in our gender roles. And then a couple days after the conference I received this devotional from Proverbs 31 and a few more things clicked for me. This may not be a popular post. If I say something that offends you, please know that is not my intention and hear my heart.

I grew up during the girl power movement. I loved it. I have always loved being a girl, and also that I grew up in a time period in which I knew that being a girl did not mean I was less valuable than a man. I always wanted to meet and fall in love with a wonderful man, but I planned to wear the pants in the relationship (a recent study shows that most women do!).

For years I’d read in the Bible about the S word, but I had no idea what it meant to submit. Nor did I want to find out. It just rubbed me the wrong way.

But after five years of marriage, studying the Bible and consulting with other Christian women about what it means, I’ve changed my point of view on the matter. And I am choosing to embrace it.

I am not saying women and men shouldn’t have equal legal rights in the workforce–or anywhere else, for that matter. I am not saying that women should not be strong, assertive or ambitious. All I’m saying is that growing up, I thought girl power meant women were smarter and more capable than our male counterparts and that we should probably just take over the world and never depend on a man again.

And now I know that was a scary mentality to have.

I really have a problem with the commercials and sitcoms that make men look like they are stupid, lazy and thoughtless. I think women have enabled men to become that way because of our desire to control (which is a consequence of original sin) and take over. If something needs to be done, most times we’d rather do it ourselves. Especially if it means it won’t get done without us.

I used to make a lot of decisions in our marriage about how we spent our time and our money. I thought my way was the best way. Over time I concluded that Eric didn’t have an opinion on such matters, but I’ve come to realize that he was retreating because I took over. I’m sure I confused him because I’d tell him that I wanted him to be more decisive and confident…and then I’d continue to express my opinions in an overpowering way that said this is how it’s going to be because it’s what I want.

Deep down, I desired for Eric to lead our family. And I didn’t realize that I was the one who was in the way.

A couple thoughts about submission that have provided comfort for me, in case you’re still not sure:

·         Being the man’s helper and completer is a title of worth. God refers to Himself in Psalm 54:4 as our helper. (This is taken from page 89 of the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember binder.)

·         The Love and Respect book says that submission means the man gets 51% and the woman gets 49%. Even that 1% rubbed me the wrong way at first. And then I realized that it means the women and children get to load the life boats first, and the men die. So I guess it doesn’t sound too bad.

>> When I told Eric I was writing this post, he added that, at the same time, the man needs to be doing his job. I agree, but as I stated in my marriage getaway takeaways, I don’t want to wait for anyone else…I need to prepare my heart to be who God has called me to be.

My reality is that Eric is a great man and he deserves my respect. He appreciates my opinions and we make a lot of decisions together. But when we disagree, and he feels strongly about something, I’m listening to him more and am open to his ideas. Because we’re better together.

Putting It Into Practice

Recently Eric and I made a financial decision. We disagreed slightly on the issue. What I decided to do was to tell him my opinion, thoughts and fears, and then I let him make the decision. It took the stress and burden off myself and handed it to him. He is the leader of our family and, honestly, I don’t want it any other way. I don’t want that responsibility. He studies God’s Word every morning and has great integrity. Submission to him does not make me less of a person. I really take comfort in knowing that he takes care of me and would die for me.

If this is something you want to work on, the next time you and your husband disagree, I encourage you to give him your opinion but ultimately let him make the decision. Make sure he knows that you will support him in the decision, and throughout the conversation meet his need to feel respected. It just might radically change your marriage!

http://wordsofwilliams.com/the-s-word/

Interesting View on Submission

Why “Submitting to Your Husband” Is Actually a Compliment

This is a guest post by Sarah Greesonbach. She writes and curates the lifestyle and personal finance blog Life [Comma] Etc. Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter for commentary and hot links, as well as pictures of her husband and cat. She releases her first eBook this month, Life After Teaching: The Hands-On Guide for Transitioning Out of Teaching and Into a New Career.

Have you heard the popular wedding Bible verse Ephesians 22: “Wives, submit to your husbands”?

Of course you have. In fact, Kelsey already brought it up in her post The “S” Word. And while she covered her feelings personally, for some reason I still left the Web that day with my hackles the slightest bit raised because I hadn’t yet made peace with the idea. But thankfully, nine months into my own marriage, I have finally come around to it, and I think it is a special message that can save you a few years of pain and misery in your marriage.

Bear with me. Because maybe you’ve googled “wedding” and at some point some jerk said something offensive and used this quote as evidence. And maybe, like me, you have older brothers and a Catholic mother who read this verse with a twinkle in their eye as you tried to find some verses for your own wedding. And maybe you don’t feel the need to understand or appreciate this verse — but that might be a huge mistake.

To save us the intricacies of theology and variations on this verse, I don’t want to get deep into the religious implications of this Bible verse and its amalgamations. Just a new look at the word itself will help my point.

First, I think we can all stop listening to the person that says asking one’s wife to submit is like bridling and riding a horse (yes, I have heard this before). Obviously, wives are not horses. And generally you cannot force things or people into that kind of submission without extreme violence and quite a few boundary issues.

But what about the other kind of submission? Say, submitting a poem into a poetry contest. The kind of submission that you choose to make for the betterment of yourself, your position or your loved ones. Or even submitting yourself to constructive criticism – the act of removing your ego for a moment in order to improve yourself. This is closest to the Latin origin (and my favorite meaning of the word) — a lowering, sinking, or yielding to a thing or person.

So, here is a turn of thought that changed my mind about this verse forever.

What if it was written assuming certain things about women? That women are strong. That women are often stubborn (I know I definitely am). That women, given a chance, will take over the world, do any and everything for their families, and basically drive themselves into a stressful, overworked, insane firework display of a human if you leave them to it?

Can you think of a woman you know who does it all? Who might even take on too much to be happy — tries to control too much, do all they can do, sometimes to the point of not taking care of herself?

We all know how that story ends – the burnout. The stress. The subsequent gastrointestinal discomfort.

For me, this verse (or “tip,” as I like to call it) is asking a married woman to accept that she now has a partner. This means, when delegating tasks, that maybe the bathroom won’t be as clean as you’d like to to be, but you didn’t have to clean it this time. And maybe the vacuuming won’t be done within the half hour time slot you would like to to be done but…guess what…you aren’t the one who has to do it alone anymore.

This verse is offering perfect and timely advice to help you stop being an overworked life-solopreneur, Type-A, micromanaging stress ball. To help you submit your standards — yield your way of living — to another kind of living that makes room for a person who will have different priorities and different needs.

There will always be people who interpret this verse differently, who think that submission means ownership — perhaps people who like to have an inordinate amount of control. And if that is the case and you find yourself disagreeing, chances are you are in for some marital discourse or dog-housing.

But what if you married a true partner? What if, of all the reasons you chose your husband, trust was first and foremost? When that is the case, as it is for me, submission means taming my volatile nature. Submission means allowing for the space of my husband in my life when before I might have thought I didn’t need a partner. Now I know I do.

 

http://wordsofwilliams.com/why-submitting-to-your-husband-is-actually-a-compliment/

True

"People stay married because they want to, not because the doors are locked."

~ Paul Newman

A Good Marriage Must Be Created

A letter from Paul Newman to his bride, Joanne Woodward on their wedding day.  Every single person deserves to love and be loved like this.


"Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the art of marriage, the little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say 'I love you' at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have wings of an angel. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding room for the things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner."

 

http://www.relationship-essentials.com/finding-love/paul-newmans-letter-to-his-wife-on-their-wedding-day/

 

 

Good Advice?

Shit or Get Off The Pot: Jon’s Long Distance Relationship Dilemma

While some song writers may say all you need is love, resident relationship expert Brooke knows men can also benefit from a swift kick in the pants from the boot of knowledge. Check out her no holds barred advice for a reader confused about the transition from a mostly digital to a mostly long distance relationship.

By Brooke Miller

Dear Brooke,

I was recently in California for a month doing a program at The School of The Arts. While there I saw a girl (also in the program) who was absolutely beautiful, but I never introduced myself. After coming home, a group formed on Facebook so we could all keep in touch—so I found the girl, we became Facebook friends, and now we’re talking quite a bit through text messaging, etc.

She lives in Texas and I’m in TN. I’m not big on long distance, but I thoroughly enjoy the conversations I have with this girl and we both flirt quite a bit. If I’m not looking for a long distance relationship, how should I handle the situation? Should we talk as strictly friends? Keep flirting? Try to make it work?

Thanks in advance for the advice

-Long Distance Jon

Dear LDJ,

I love your honesty. I love that you wrote in to ask me about this situation. And I love that your crush has sent you into a tizzy of hesitation and uncertainty…kinda. You’re love-struck and all over the place sweetheart, so I’m going to need to get real with you…big time.

Ready? Here it is, no BS…

You were kind of a pussy about introducing yourself and becoming friends with her in real life (I get it, she’s hot and scary, blah blah), and now you’re communicating over the computer and text message which is pretty much a pussy kind of way of communicating if you actually want to connect with someone (sometimes modern isn’t the way to go), and to top it off, you’re pretty much being a pussy about making something happen or not.

Here’s the deal darlin’…in less than 140 characters: Shit or get off the pot. Seriously.

I’m not saying you have to either marry her or never talk to her again…I’m saying that it’s time you realize that by talking to and flirting with a girl states away, you are actually starting a long distance relationship. So, either admit it and sign up, or don’t, and move on. Simple as that.

Beautiful, kind, creative, worth-a-long-distance-relationship kind of girls already have lots of friends…she doesn’t need another one. So put the ‘let’s flirt and text ourselves into a lifelong friendship’ idea out of your mind, like yesterday.

If you’re continuing to flirt and talk while knowing that you have no intention of committing yourself if things build, then please bounce ASAP and save everyone the heartache. It’s not worth it. You’ll waste everyone’s time while making yourself look like a tease.

Don’t, especially under my watch, become the guy who accidentally gets himself into a relationship that he knew he never wanted, only to hurt someone in the end. You’re too smart for that. Yes, smart. I said it. Here’s how I know…

You say you’re not looking for a long distance relationship, but the issue is… If you weren’t open to this turning into a long distance relationship you never would have written into me…

You’re looking for me to give you permission to do something that you used to say you would never do, that you told your friends you would never do, that you don’t know how to do, and that you’re afraid to do.

You’ve convinced yourself that you’re not a long distance relationship kind of guy…noble enough. But, now you’ve met someone that you may just want to break that rule for, and you want me to tell you to go for it, that it’s OK to break your rules. So Jon…go for it, break your rules. Seriously.

Talk, flirt, text, send her flowers and emails and mixed tapes, fall for her, go visit her, have phone sex…whatever floats your boat. Then, see what happens. Maybe something. Maybe nothing. Maybe maybe maybe.

No matter what happens, we know a few things for sure. First: You’re into her. And second: Somewhere along the line you decided that long distance relationships are not for you. So, my advice? First: Don’t be afraid of beautiful girls. And second: There’s always someone worth breaking your rules for.

Being a pussy is not about being vulnerable, it’s about being afraid of vulnerability. So stop being a pussy, and start listening to your gut. You might get hurt (survival rate is high), you might marry her (it happens). You’ll never know unless you jump in…with both feet.

Thanks for being you,

B.

 

 

http://www.primermagazine.com/2010/love/soapbox-therapy-long-distance-relationship

Long Distance Marriage

Long-Distance Marriage

By Francesca Di Meglio

 

When people dream of marrying their beloved, they rarely imagine living apart. But sometimes long-distance marriage is unavoidable. Think about those in the military, who have to leave behind spouses when they are deployed. There are those who have to live on different coasts or in different states because of their jobs. Of course, family obligations, such as an ill parent, sometimes cause one spouse to live far from the other. Some famous couples have experienced long-distance marriages, including Giuliana and Bill Rancic, who lived in Los Angeles and Chicago respectively in the early days of their union, and Salma Hayek and François-Henri Pinault, who live between Europe and the States and are not always on the same continent.

Even if it is temporary, long-distance marriage can be grueling. Not every couple can handle the difficulties of separation. But an adjustment to your mindset - the way you think of marriage - and a plan for staying connected might be enough to keep your marriage strong despite the distance. Here is what you can do:

Throw out your expectations.

Yes, once upon a time, man married woman, they set up house, started a family, and were happily together for the rest of their days. That was then. Now, the world is smaller. You and your spouse might have even met while you were living in separate countries or your work has always taken you the world over. So, forget the old rules of marriage and don't waste any time worrying about how your life and marriage don't fit into any mold.

Consider yourself lucky to have found someone who goes far away - presumably, meets other people - and still chooses to be with you and vice versa. Dumping one's expectations of what marriage is supposed to be is a smart move for any couple, even those that live under the same roof all the time. After all, no one can ever live up to expectations. As a result, disappointment will follow.

Set rules.

Part of what gets couples in trouble when living separately is that there is no way to enforce rules of marriage. It's a given that married people should not go on dates with those who are not their spouse. But things can get complicated when you're not living in the same place. For example, your husband might accept a female colleague's invitation to happy hour because he knows the gang from work will be there and there is no one home with him. The woman might see the evening as a date. Setting rules with which you're both comfortable and both have to follow can eliminate some of these misunderstandings. One rule might be to never accept a female's invitation to an obvious social outing. Another might be to always wear your wedding ring or inform your spouse of your whereabouts. Nowadays, you have phone, text, and e-mail, so you can definitely stay connected, unless you are in the military and safety precludes you from speaking to civilians. The point is that you have to discuss and determine rules that work for you. When in doubt, spell things out. Get into the littlest details, so there can be no confusion. If ever you stumble into a situation and you're not sure how your spouse would feel about it, just ask him or her. Then, proceed.

Stay in touch.

Couples who live together can grow apart, which means it's that much easier for couples who live separately to move in different directions. One way to prevent this from happening is to stay connected. That means you might decide to talk to each other at least twice a day. Stick to such a goal. Use Skype or a video chat service whenever you can, so you can see each other. Use other technology to supplement when it is impossible to participate in a video chat. Of course, be flexible. If your wife is busy at work one day and texts you instead of calling or chatting via video like she normally does, cut her some slack. What's important is not to let texts become a habit. If you can't talk much one day, then plan to talk a little more the next day.

Make the most of your conversations by sharing the details of your day. Discuss what is happening at work and at home. Tell each other about friends and family you might have seen. Express your feelings for one another often because it is the only intimacy you have at the moment. You can try phone sex or cyber sex if you'd like, but don't be disappointed if it's not feasible or pleasurable for you. It doesn't work for everyone. Some find it creepy or unfulfilling. And that's fine. Just make up for the lack of intimacy whenever you are under the same roof. The one benefit of living separately is that you never seem to take for granted those moments together.

Make a big deal of little things.

When you're apart, you might feel all alone despite being married. Making a big deal of little things can help your partner still feel as though you are supporting him or her. For instance, send an encouraging e-card when your husband has a meeting about which he is worried. Or send flowers to your wife just because. These gestures also keep the romance alive and remind your spouse that he or she is number one in your heart even if you're far apart physically. Of course, don't forget to make a big deal of big things, too. Don't forget birthdays and anniversaries just because you're not in the same house with a constant reminder. Make sure that you keep your spouse on your mind and in your heart all the time. And let him or her know it every so often.

Be faithful.

No one should have to remind you that you're married. But sometimes, especially when you're not living with your spouse, you might need to hear it. You are married. Therefore, you cannot date other people, kiss other people, have sex with other people, etc. Some spouses find it is best to avoid what some might call innocent flirtation with other people. For goodness sake, never allow a relationship with a member of the opposite sex turn into an emotional affair. Even if you're not touching each other, you can still be hurting your spouse and damaging your marriage. Of course, temptations are greater when spouses are not in the same home. There is no denying that any kind of affair would be easier to pull off if you're not living with your spouse. That doesn't make it right, nor does it mean the affair won't have an effect on your relationship. You could lose everything. If you are the type who has trouble staying faithful, you should not have gotten married in the first place. But if you are this type and you are now married, then don't put yourself in a situation where you're away from your spouse for long periods of time. As for others, you are not immune to temptation just because you've always been faithful. But you can avoid temptation, fight it, and make a pact with your partner and yourself to stay true to your vows. Living separately, after all, will never work if one of you is unfaithful.

Face jealousy head on.

Remember that both of you will also have to combat jealousy whenever you know your spouse is out and about and you're not there. Be ready for it. Be honest with each other about everything, so that it is easier for your spouse to fight the jealousy. So, if you decide to go to happy hour with that female colleague who invited you, tell your wife about it immediately. Let her know this is what you are going to be doing. Tell her about the person who asked and tell her that this woman will be with you. If you're going together and will be alone in the car, let your wife know. If your wife doesn't like the idea, discuss it. And be willing to cancel the appointment with this woman. Your wife has a right to be a part of this decision. Always, put yourself in your spouse's shoes. What would you do if he or she came to you with a similar request? Would you be jealous? Asking these kinds of questions can help you make a decision that puts your marriage first.

http://newlyweds.about.com/od/Tips/a/Long-Distance-Marriage.htm